


It's the Rest of Our Lives

by fizzyblogic (phizzle)



Category: McFly
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemon, Daemons, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-05
Updated: 2012-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-29 00:51:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phizzle/pseuds/fizzyblogic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an AU of our world where all humans have daemons (their soul in animal form), Harry and Dougie negotiate the tricky waters of polyamory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's the Rest of Our Lives

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to leanwellback for the beta, daemons discussions, advice and hugs. This would have fallen apart without you.

The room is filled with boys and their daemons, all of whom seem like they probably settled years ago. Dougie tries to hide behind his guitar case, Stateira's tail wrapping comfortingly around his wrist. "It's okay," she whispers. She settled as a [red squirrel](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_squirrel) permanently a year and a half ago, after two years of long stints trying out other forms. Dougie hopes it's not too obvious he's lying about his age, and doesn't make eye contact with anyone.

Everyone except for him is mingling, but he's keeping to one corner, Stateira sitting on his hand, looking curiously at the room. The crowd parts and shifts and then standing next to him is a Starting Line t-shirt.

"Oh! You like The Starting Line!" he blurts out before he can stop himself, and looks up. The bloke wearing the shirt has blue eyes and brown hair and he's stupidly handsome, like boy band gorgeous. Dougie swallows.

The guy lights up. "You like them?"

"Yeah, they're brilliant." Stateira tightens her tail's grip on his wrist, and his heart stops galloping. "Um, hi."

"Hi. I'm Harry." He holds out a hand, which Dougie shakes nervously. Harry's daemon is a large [rabbit](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elfin_rabbit) with gorgeous fur; deep red and brick red and gold-red all blending together, with small brown patches interspersed. "Nice to meet you," Harry says, looking right into Dougie's eyes. Dougie wills his heart to stop feeling like it's just woken up, but it's no good. He doesn't believe in love at first sight, so it can't be that, but it's something more than just fancying him. He's torn between hoping they both get into this band and hoping they don't so he won't feel like this all the time. It's quite distracting.

"Oh — I think they're here." Harry looks at the door, and Stateira runs up Dougie's arm to drape herself over his neck, stemming his panic.

"I should — I should go," he mutters, hoping he won't throw up again. Making it to the toilet in time had been bad enough, ten minutes ago, but doing so on Harry's shoes would be the worst first impression _ever_. (Or second impression, since the first one had been good. He hopes.)

"No, wait, stay," Harry says. "Hey." He catches Dougie's eye, and says, like he's trying to will Dougie to believe it, "It's okay to be nervous."

"Good, because I am _really_ nervous," Dougie snaps, and turns away.

"Sorry," Harry mutters. "No need to bite my head off."

Dougie takes a deep breath and apologises. If nothing else, he does not want this guy to think badly of him. He watches Harry's daemon bound up into his arms as the doors open and two lads of about Harry's age walk in.

The taller of them has an [Airedale terrier](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airedale_terrier) daemon, the slightly shorter one a large grey-ish [cat](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat). "Hi," the taller guy says, "you all here for the audition? I'm Danny, this is Tom."

Dougie hangs back to listen to the other bassists audition, and when it comes to his turn, Harry has to prod him forward. He slings his bass strap over his head, stammers out, "Hi, I'm Dougie," and plays the chorus of a song he wrote recently. He tries to look up from the strings, but just can't do it, no matter how much Stateira plays with his ears and hair. He makes it through the audition, and they ask him to stick around, so he does.

"Nice playing," Harry says. "You're the best so far."

"Really? You think so?" Dougie can't keep his hands still. Stateira plays with his hair reassuringly.

Harry grabs Dougie's wrists, too quickly to have been thought about, but gently. "That's what me and Alida think, yeah," he says. His daemon twitches her ears in agreement.

Dougie calms down. "Thanks," he whispers. Harry squeezes his wrists carefully and then lets go.

Once all the bassists have played, Danny and Tom go into a corner to talk quietly. Dougie looks for Harry, who catches his eye and gives him two thumbs up. Dougie smiles.

Having obviously come to a decision, Tom makes a beeline over to Dougie, Danny over to a knot of the bassists talking together. Tom smiles warmly at Dougie and says, "How would you like to join the band?"

"Really?" Dougie practically squeaks. "I got in?"

"Yeah, you got in. You're the best bassist here. You up for it?"

" _Yeah_ ," he breathes, Stateira scampering down his arm to drop to the floor and jump around his legs. "Thanks, you won't regret it."

"We definitely won't." Tom grins at him. His daemon looks up at Dougie. Up close, he can see that her fur is threaded colours, like Harry's daemon's; white and grey and silver and blue blend together, and she doesn't have any specific patches or stripes or anything. She looks like sunlight through a frosted window pane. Stateira runs to Dougie's shoulder and sits, probably looking at Tom with her head tilted. It's her way of smiling.

Danny comes over then. "Hiya," he says. His accent is thick and Northern. "Right, Dougie was it? We're doing drummers now, d'you want to watch?"

"Yeah, rhythm section and all," Dougie says. He's a little intimidated by both of them, so he hangs back a bit, but they're watching the drummers anyway.

Most of them are quite bad, some are fairly decent, and a few are pretty good. Two of them, Harry and another guy, are particularly good. Dougie feels hope unfurl in his chest as he watches Harry audition; the other guy is kind of a better technical drummer, but Harry puts _feeling_ into it. Alida kicks a kick drum to help out the sound. None of the other drummers have rabbit daemons, and the extra kick drum brings a depth to Harry's playing that no one else has. Dougie is faintly dismayed to realise that they could work together really, _really_ well. If he's not careful, he could end up with one of those horrible crushes he's seen people at school have, hopeless and unrequited and wrenching. He looks away.

Tom and Danny beckon Dougie over once they've seen all the drummers, and they huddle together away from everyone else. "What do you think?" Tom asks.

Dougie, touched that they've included him, says, "I like Harry."

"He meant drumming technique," Danny grins. Tom punches his arm lightly. "You're right, though, he's good. He's a bit of a ponce, but there's just something about his drumming."

"I've never seen a drummer's daemon join in," Tom says. "And _I_ don't think he's a ponce. I like him."

"He was nice to me," Dougie says in a small voice. "He likes cool music."

"So we want Harry, yeah?" Tom says, looking at both of them in turn. He turns to his daemon. "Orinthia?" She nods, and Dougie inclines his head to where Stateira is sitting on his shoulder.

She whispers into his ear, "Definitely."

"Evanna?" Danny turns to his daemon. She nods and grins.

Danny smiles. "I think Dougie should tell him."

"I can't!" Dougie feels like all the blood just drained out of his face.

"What, you want to come with us and tell everyone else they didn't make it?" Danny doesn't say it unkindly, but it's obvious Dougie is going to have to talk to _someone_.

"I'll tell Harry," he says quickly, and makes his way over before they can say no.

"Hey." Harry looks nervous, Alida sitting in his arms twitching her nose. "How did we do?"

"You're in," Dougie says, and it is worth it, this whole _day_ is worth it, just for the look on Harry's face right now.

*

"Is that everything?" Harry asks, as Dougie carries another bin bag up the stairs.

"Yeah, this is it." He hopes this bag doesn't break, there's more porn in this than any of the others. Danny's already seen a small part of his collection, not to mention the lingerie he'd thought was in a different box.

"You need a hand?"

"Nah, I'm okay." Dougie hefts the bag onto a box and makes sure the end is still tied. "There. All done."

Harry looks around the room, which sort of looks like what would happen if someone threw out a bunch of clothes and porn but the rubbish bin turned out to be a bedroom. " _Lesbrarian_ ," he reads from one of the DVD spines.

"That's lesbian librarians," Dougie explains.

"Oh right." Harry picks up one or two of the titles with overly-casual interest. One of them is gay porn, a favourite one of Dougie's.

"That's good," he points at it.

"Oh, you — oh." Harry stares at the cover for a minute. The two guys on it are mid-fuck, doggie style, their bird daemons perched nearby side by side.

"Yeah. I'm bi." Dougie shrugs and changes the subject. "You ever seen porn where the daemons touch? I'm always trying to find some, but it's so rare."

"No, I've only ever seen ones where the daemons just sort of sit nearby. I mean," Harry amends, "not just like, _passively_ sitting there, you know?"

"Yeah, that's sort of crap," Dougie nods. "They always look, like. Interested."

"Yeah, you can't be having a good time if your daemon's just sat there looking bored, right?"

Dougie winces, thinking of his first time. "Yeah."

"That happened to you, too?" Harry smiles reassuringly.

Dougie exhales. "Yeah." He doesn't really want to go into it, and anyway, he's probably better at it now.

"Nothing to worry about, mate. It just happens sometimes." Harry says it like he's trying to convince himself. Dougie wonders who it was, Harry or the girl. He's not going to ask.

Tom appears in the doorway. "We're having tea, d'you want some?" Orinthia sniffs at the bags near the door.

Stateira jumps onto Dougie's shoulder. "Sure, yeah. Tea sounds good," he says.

"Yeah, me too." Harry follows Tom out first, and Dougie watches Alida hop after him.

*

He's been living with the guys for about three months when he realises he's totally comfortable with them. They're playing paintball; Danny tackles him around the middle, bringing him to the ground and shooting his shirt at close range. It hurts, the air's already going out of him, but Danny's laughing in his ear — then Tom dives on top of them and shoots Danny's trousers, and Harry shoots Tom's arse and declares himself the winner. Orinthia pounces on Alida, Evanna bowls into them, Stateira gets pulled into the fray — and Dougie doesn't mind. It's not the horrible shock it would be if anyone else's daemon touched her, it's just ... the guys. It's fine.

"I can't breathe," he says, and Danny and Tom get off him. Harry holds out a hand to pull him up, and Dougie grins at him.

He's making tea a few days later when Harry sidles up to him and just stands there, leaning against the counter. Stateira is sorting through the teabags. "You okay?" Dougie asks, after several more seconds of complete silence goes by.

"Yeah." Harry smiles, but doesn't say anything else. Alida hops onto the counter and over to Stateira, who pulls out a non-crumpled teabag and hands it to Dougie. He drops it into his mug and turns away to grab the just-about-to-boil kettle.

A small sensation makes him pause, and look back. Alida is very softly, hesitantly putting her nose up to Stateira's. Dougie looks at Harry; he's blushing, looking down at his hands. Stateira moves a little closer to Alida and rubs her head slightly against Alida's ear. Dougie has, for months now, wanted to know what it feels like to stroke those ears. They look soft.

Alida nudges Stateira with her nose, still hesitant, making it gentle. Dougie shivers as the kettle clicks.

Harry's looking at him after he's poured the water. His cheeks are tinged pink, the tips of his ears red, and Dougie forgets all about his tea. He tilts his head up, lifting slightly on the balls of his feet, until his bottom lip meets Harry's.

Harry kisses him, gentle, soft. Barely-there touches of lips, until Dougie is tingling and breathless, and then Harry stops. He visibly swallows, and steps back, and Alida bounds out of the kitchen at his heels.

Dougie stands next to his cooling and over-steeped tea, breathing shallow, Stateira sitting down on his shoulder to pat his hair. After about a minute, Danny comes in humming to make a sandwich and Dougie unfreezes.

After dinner, he asks Tom if Harry's talked to him about anything lately, and Tom says, "Well, he's talked about some films and work and the girl down the corner shop, but I don't think any of those are what you're asking for."

"He kissed me today," Dougie says. Tom sighs and puts an arm around him.

"I take it he hasn't been acting any different since it happened?" Dougie nods. Tom hugs him. "He hasn't said anything about you. Have you tried just talking to him?"

"What exactly do I say?" Dougie waves his hands for emphasis, Stateira curling her tail over his arm and steadying herself. "By the way, Harry, I've been falling in love with you since the second I met you, I'd appreciate it if you didn't fuck me around?"

"Wait, you're in _love_ with him?" Tom stares at Dougie, so bewildered even Orinthia goes still. "I knew you had feelings for him, but — _love_?"

Dougie stares at his hands. Stateira jumps down onto one of them to drape her tail over his wrist. "Yeah," he says, quiet.

"Oh, Doug, I'm sorry." Tom hugs him again, this time tighter and for longer.

"Is that because he doesn't feel the same about me?" Dougie forces himself to ask. He's glad Tom's still hugging him so he can't see his face.

Tom doesn't answer. Dougie's heart sinks. It's not like he didn't suspect it, but having it confirmed sort of destroys his hopes. "He likes you," Tom says. "He definitely like, _like_ -likes you. Just."

"He doesn't love me." Dougie ignores the disappointment and hurt coursing through him. Harry's seventeen, it's not exactly likely he'll be going around falling in love the way Dougie apparently does. Not that he's ever felt like this before, but he's feeling it now, so it's a thing that happens. "I didn't really expect him to. I just." He pauses, and Tom squeezes him. The hug ends, so Dougie pulls away.

"Yeah, I know. You ever need to talk, you know where I am."

Dougie feels a sudden pang of gladness; that he got into the band, that he's here and has such great friends that he can talk about this stuff with. "Thanks," he says, and Tom smiles at him.

Harry doesn't kiss him again for almost a month, during which time he scores with the girl from the corner shop and Dougie decides to give up hope. Having just a friendship with Harry isn't exactly the booby prize; they can talk for hours about music and films and books and life and women and men (Harry tells Dougie he's bi the day after Dougie moves in, and it's the first time Dougie thinks that maybe he has a chance). Harry's a good listener, too, and more than once they stay up half the night while Dougie pours everything about his dad out and Harry hugs him when he pauses for breath.

So when Dougie resigns himself to just that one kiss, it's fine, really. Alida sometimes sits really close to Stateira, but she doesn't try to touch her again, not like that time. They'll tumble all over each other when it's all four daemons, when the boys are pretending to wrestle, or Danny rolls them all over, or something. But it's different.

On Dougie's sixteenth birthday, as the party is continuing into the small hours, Dougie's coming out of the bathroom and bumps into Harry. He's a little unsteady on his feet, but Harry sticks out an arm to catch him as he wobbles. "You okay there?" Harry says, words slightly running together.

Dougie pulls him into focus. "Yeah, I'm — yeah."

Harry shifts position suddenly, and backs him into the wall. Dougie's heart speeds up, his breath catching at the look in Harry's eyes. Stateira trips over his feet and Alida hops unsteadily over to her, leaning against her side. It feels blurrily good. Harry's hands hold Dougie's hips against the wall, and Dougie is getting so horny so fast it sobers him up a bit.

"Harry," he whispers, as their faces hover an inch apart, " _please_ ," and Harry groans and kisses him. This time it's a desperate, messy, damp kiss, tongues groping at each other, hands in each other's hair, grinding their crotches frantically together. Alida and Stateira roll over each other in a heap at their feet. It's intense and sloppy and Dougie doesn't want it to end, pretty much ever. He licks at Harry's lip, pulling his hair for a second with how hard he's balling his hand. Harry thrusts his hips, pinning Dougie further into the wall. Stateira is too drunk to really do much more than lie on the floor when she gets too dizzy rolling, Alida nuzzling her unsteadily. It somehow adds to how amazing the kiss is. Harry gets a hand under Dougie's shirt, yanks it up, and then slides his fingers below the waistband of Dougie's jeans to feel his ass. Dougie rolls up onto his tiptoes trying to tilt just right so he can still feel Harry's hard-on against his own, but also Harry's hand on his ass. He's getting more sober by the minute, and more desperate for Harry's hand to move to the front of his jeans.

Tom shouts as he runs past into the bathroom, "Get a room," thumping Harry on the back. It jolts them out of the kiss, and then Harry scoops Alida up and goes back downstairs.

Dougie stays where he is, sprawled against the wall, hard and panting. "Fuck," he mutters after Tom emerges from the bathroom, and they go back to the party.

Everyone has hangovers the next morning, and some of the night is a blur, but Dougie remembers every moment of the kiss vividly. Harry doesn't show any indication that he does, however, so Dougie goes back to giving up on anything ever happening between them. They get closer as friends anyway, and that's not only enough, it's _awesome_.

Except, it's not really actually enough, not if Dougie's honest with himself. There are some times — when Harry comes home from a night out with a blonde or a brunette or a redhead on his arm (he seems to prefer blondes, but not overwhelmingly; Dougie pretends he doesn't keep a mental note just in case), and then there are sex noises Dougie can't completely shut out even with two pillows and some headphones — when it's sort of bad. Those times, he goes up to Tom's room and crawls into his bed, and when Tom wakes up he never says anything, just cuddles him while Orinthia curls up next to Stateira and purrs.

Dougie gets Harry an album he really wanted for his birthday, as well as an inflatable crocodile and — slipped into his hand when they're alone — a porn DVD he's heard good things about. Harry looks touched when he unwraps it, which is sort of weird, but Dougie will take whatever he can get. Later, at the party, Dougie bounds over to him holding mistletoe, and Danny starts a chant of "Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!" Harry smiles, leans down, and gives Dougie a sweet closed-mouth kiss. Alida nuzzles Stateira, and then it's over and Harry gets cornered by some of his mates and Dougie goes over to Danny to see who can down a drink the fastest.

*

The first show of their first ever headlining tour is awesome. Supporting Busted was brilliant, but this is _their show_ and Dougie gets so excited before they go on that he shakes all through the set. Stateira stays curled around his neck, while Evanna bounds around the stage with Danny and Orinthia sits next to Tom's microphone stand, tail curled around her paws, staring wide-eyed at the crowd. Alida kicks her drum, she and Harry a seamless team, and Dougie turns to play to them as much as he can.

They come off stage, grinning at each other and all the crew. Evanna starts jumping on the other daemons even before Danny jumps on Dougie's back and wraps his limbs around him, giggling. Dougie staggers and laughs, Harry pulls Danny off him, and they all fall in a heap into the dressing room.

He's lying half on Tom while they talk over the set and the crowd and how everything was brilliant. Alida's hopping around all of them, leaping over Orinthia and Stateira, too small to make it over Evanna. The adrenaline of the show has left Dougie shaky and sweaty, so he's drinking water and Tom's stroking his fingertips down Dougie's arm, which feels both soothing and arousing.

After one particularly long stroke, Dougie makes a pleased noise and curls more into Tom's side. Tom laughs quietly, then shouts as a bottle hits him in the head. "Harry, you twat, what was that for?"

Harry doesn't answer. He laughs, but it's not all that convincing. The subject gets changed, though, and Tom seems to forget about it.

They could only afford two hotel rooms at each stop on this tour, so they decided a while ago to just share, even if they get doubles. Danny had immediately bagsied Tom, which is why Dougie slides into bed that night while Harry is taking his clothes off in the bathroom. Stateira curls up by Dougie's head and whispers to him, "Why couldn't it have been a twin room?"

He sighs. "Because our life is just that cruel." He's horny, of course. It happens all the time, and _Harry_ is _possibly naked_ on the other side of a wall, but it's so inconvenient and he doesn't have time to wank. He'll just have to suffer. "I'll stay on my side," he whispers to her, "then everything will be fine."

He feels Alida hop onto the bed, then it dips further and Harry gets in. He's warm, and Dougie squeezes his eyes shut, willing Harry not to say anything.

No such luck. Harry lines himself up as the big spoon, and it feels like all he's wearing are boxers. "Hey," he says, "you're still awake, right?"

"Right," Dougie mumbles. Harry's erection brushes against his back, and he tries hard not to whimper.

"You okay?" Harry delicately kisses his shoulder, and Dougie just snaps.

"Leave me alone, okay? I'm tired and I just want to sleep." Nothing about this is fair, _nothing_. He thinks about the three kisses, the way Harry always acts like nothing happened, the way he threw that bottle at Tom and _meant_ it, the way he's acting now, like they're going to fool around or something. He'd wake up tomorrow with hope all over again, just to have it crushed to pieces. He'd do almost anything to have sex with Harry, but he's not willing to let his heart be broken.

"Sorry." Harry sounds hurt and pissy in equal measure, and he rolls away. Dougie whimpers aloud at the loss of contact, then curls in on himself, miserable.

Stateira uncurls, pats his head, and moves out of his line of sight. He refuses to turn around to see what she's doing; he just lies there, eyes closed, trying to ignore how hard he is.

"Hey," he hears, almost silent, but definitely Stateira, "what's with you two mucking us around?"

"We're not," comes Alida's indignant voice. "You might have noticed it was us who just got rejected."

"Only because of the way you treat us," Stateira says. She's riled, so she's getting louder. "Harry kisses Dougie, then acts like nothing happened, _three times_ , he throws a bottle at Tom in obvious jealousy, then comes on to Doug like he won't just pretend he never has in the morning. You're always pretending like you haven't touched me the way you did when we were drunk. So yeah, we have some pride, okay?"

"What — but —" Alida splutters. "What about the way you are with us? All Dougie's looks, the smiles, he always flirts when he's drunk, and you're always so close by and flick your tail at me, but when have you ever given us any indication you actually wants something with us?"

"When have _you_ given _us_ any indication of that?"

Dougie turns over to face the two daemons, standing where the pillows join. Harry's doing the same, so their eyes meet. Dougie says, "So you do like me then?"

"Of course I like you," Harry says, sounding less upset. "I — I thought you didn't like _me_. Not like that, anyway."

Dougie stares at him, incredulous. So does Stateira. "So those times I kissed you ... and flirted with you ... what did you think those were about?"

"I just," Harry looks down at the sheet, "thought you fancied me. Nothing else."

"Yeah, well, there's a lot else." He looks down at the sheet too, and at Harry's hand resting on it.

"He likes you," Stateira says. Dougie looks up at the same time as Harry; it's the first time one of their daemons has spoken directly to the other person. "Probably more than you like him."

"Oh." Harry looks at Dougie then, with a sharp inhale. "I'm really sorry about — I suppose I was messing you about a bit. I didn't mean to."

"He likes you," Alida says to Dougie. She looks at him intently. "He sort of has commitment and relationship issues when it comes to boys, but —"

"Alida!" Harry cries. "Did you have to?"

"I'm not asking for commitment or anything." Dougie's _sixteen years old_ for crying out loud, of course he's not asking for some sort of commitment. "I just don't want you to treat me like nothing could ever change after we kiss."

"Well," Harry licks his lips, "I mean, if you want, we could ... be special friends. The sort of friends who sometimes snog, and maybe fool around. If you want."

Harry's still hard, Dougie notices. He starts salivating. "Yes please," he says. Harry reaches across the distance to take his hand, and pulls Dougie in.

He kisses him, slow at first, but soon getting deeper. It feels like Alida is curling around Stateira, a warm sensation but intense, like that shivering moment between pain and pleasure. Harry's tongue explores Dougie's mouth, and his hand starts roaming over Dougie's chest. Dougie arches closer, and moans as he feels Alida nuzzling Stateira's back, Stateira's tail wrapping around her, sending shockwaves of a deep, resonant pleasure through Dougie — and, by the way he's moaning, Harry is feeling it too. Dougie rolls on top of him and lines up their cocks; they grind against each other, through two layers of clothing. It’s not enough, but it feels so good, so _right_.

Harry rolls them over so he's on top, and pushes Dougie's pyjamas down. Alida strokes a line down Stateira's side, claws raking. Dougie shudders against Harry, moaning in absolute intense pleasure. Stateira rakes her own claws down Alida's back, and Dougie yanks Harry's boxers to his knees and wraps a hand around his cock. Harry does the same, and they jerk each other off with long strokes, their daemons twining around each other, Alida's claws gently raking until Dougie is helpless and shaking with the deep, glorious sensation of it.

He comes quickly, and Harry follows not long after. Alida wraps around Stateira, and Harry wriggles down to lick the come off Dougie's belly. It's one of the hottest things Dougie has ever seen, Harry's tongue licking stripes up his skin, gathering their mingled come into his mouth before he swallows. Dougie's hard again by the time he's clean, Stateira wriggling in the curve of Alida's body, and Harry just keeps licking downwards. He licks up and over Dougie's cock, making Dougie arch and moan.

Harry blows him, tongue and pressing fingers and just the right amount of sucking, Alida rubbing her head against Stateira's sides, and Dougie comes after about five minutes. He wants to last longer, wants it to last _forever_ , but it feels so good and Harry keeps his eyes open, looking up Dougie's body, his eyes unguarded and filled with lust. When he comes, he yelps out Harry's name and some incoherent sounds, and Harry groans around him, making him come harder than he already was.

He pulls his pyjamas back up afterwards, and they curl up on their sides, Harry the big spoon. Stateira sprawls out over Alida, and Dougie says, "We're going to do this again, right?"

There's a pause. Alida sighs. "How about we do this all tour?" Harry suggests, his voice light in the way Dougie has learned means he's holding a lot back. Still, as ever with Harry, he'll take what he can get.

"Sounds good to me," he says, and he falls asleep ten minutes later to the sound of Harry's and Alida's breathing.

*

When they get home after the tour, Harry and Dougie stop sleeping together.

Dougie decides to accept it as part of their friendship. "It's fine," he explains to Danny during one of their all-night heart-to-hearts, "we're mates, we like each other, but, y'know, there's the band. And we're _mates_ , I don't want that to change. You know?"

"I do know," Danny nods. Evanna nods with him. "Me and Tom, neither of us was in love with the other, it's just — what we did."

"Yeah, exactly. It's like that with me and Harry." Dougie stares into his beer can. "Only, I'm in love with him and he just like-likes me and has relationship issues with boys, apparently."

"Makes sense. Have you _met_ his parents?"

Dougie has. He's never thought about it that way, but, "When you put it like that, I s'pose it does make sense." Dougie's mum is firmly of the opinion that Dougie is who he is and as long as he's happy, it's all fine with her. Even his nan's fine with him seeing guys. Harry's parents are always asking if he's met a nice girl yet. Emphasis on 'nice' and also 'girl'. They're lovely, but still. "Uneven feelings suck, though."

"They do, aye," Danny nods sagely.

They record the second album, everything's fine, everything's _great_. They even get to go to America and be in an actual live-action Hollywood movie, though Dougie is far too nervous to speak and almost constantly shakes throughout the entire shoot. He grabs for Harry's hand a lot, and some days Stateira just fists her paws in Alida's fur for comfort. They sleep curled up together some nights, but don't have sex; "That's a tour thing, yeah?" Harry says on their first night, and Dougie just nods. Some nights he sleeps curled against Tom, some nights against Danny. He doesn't like to be alone. At least once a night he wakes up from a nightmare in which he gets to set only to be told he's late and did he get the script revisions, he'd better have learned them. Then he looks down and he's naked but for a basque, and everyone laughs, especially Harry, even Stateira, and the whole film is riding on him and he's sweating when he wakes up. It takes him a while of being held to calm down.

On the second-to-last night in America, Dougie watches Harry lead Lindsay up to his hotel room, her [parrot](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_macaw) daemon flying above them, and decides to get smashed. "If only," he slurs to Stateira while Danny is tipping him into bed, "we'd asked for a threesome."

"Come on, Doug, sleepy time now." Danny moves the bin next to the bed, and gets in the other side. "Water's by the lamp, best drink some."

"Okay," Dougie says, meekly. He drinks some water and is just about ready to launch into a rant about how unfairly attractive Harry is, but passes out instead.

*

When Dougie gets his lip pierced, Harry starts looking at his mouth more.

"How badly did it hurt?" he asks, one afternoon just after lunch. He's got Dougie's arms pinned, Tom and Danny have his legs. Danny is busy taking Dougie's trousers off, hampered by vigorous kicking. Stateira is puffing herself up to try and intimidate Evanna, who is laughing quietly.

"Not too bad," Dougie answers, getting in a kick to Danny's chin. His knee catches Tom in the process, so Tom punches his leg. "Thinking of getting one yourself?"

"Nah, yours is hot enough for one band," is Harry's nonsensical answer. He's having to contend with Dougie's struggling arms, though, as well as trying to yank his shirt off (which Dougie is happy for him to do), so that's probably why. "What does it feel like?"

"It's nice." Dougie wriggles free just as Danny succeeds in getting his trousers off, so he curls up into Harry's side and lets him take his shirt off all the way. Tom wolf whistles and smacks his ass. Dougie tries not to get too hard, which is a losing battle, especially when Harry decides he's going to spank him.

"Turn over," he commands, and Dougie does immediately. There's a moment of tension as he presses his semi-on against Harry's leg, but then Danny laughs and the tension dispels.

After they've let Dougie put his clothes back on, and had a cup of tea and a phone call from Fletch to say there'll be a meeting tomorrow, Dougie goes up to his room to feed his lizards. He's finishing up and trying to decide whether or not to have a wank or perhaps read for a bit when someone knocks on his door.

It's Harry. "So this lip ring," he says, like they weren't interrupted, and closes the door behind him. "I really like it."

Dougie is going to keep the lip ring forever. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's really — is it good?" He reaches up a hand to Dougie's face, hovering. "Can I touch it?"

"This, you ask permission for? Really?"

"Yeah." Harry is really close, really _really_ close. Out of the corner of his eye, Dougie can see Alida sidling up to Stateira.

"Well, you can." Dougie feels incredibly awkward. He swallows the urge to make a joke. There's something in Harry's face that makes him stop.

Harry gently taps Dougie's lip ring, turning it to the side. It tugs a little on the hole. "Is that nice?" he asks, quiet.

"Yeah, it's all right." Dougie's breath keeps hitching. Harry's getting closer and closer.

"How would it feel," Harry leans in and Dougie tilts his head instinctively, feeling an anticipatory tingle spread over his skin, "if I did this?" He flicks his tongue out and against the ring.

It tugs a little more. "It's — good, yeah," Dougie breathes. Harry stays where he is for a moment without moving, then flicks his tongue more slowly, lingering just above Dougie's lip.

Dougie makes a tiny noise, rooted to the spot. Harry pauses, then runs his tongue along Dougie's lower lip. Dougie feels like his heart skips a few beats, and when he can move again, he flicks his tongue out to meet Harry's.

Harry kisses him, easing his tongue into Dougie's mouth, moaning softly in his throat as he aligns their hips. Dougie's fingers tangle in his hair, and Stateira winds around Alida. Harry's arms are around his waist, one hand splayed over Dougie's back. It's not urgent and messy like most of their kisses, just the press of lips and tongues, nudging his lip ring. Dougie is tingling all over, getting _very_ turned on, it feels amazing — but it's not frantic, they're not moving to the bed. They're just standing, their daemons at their feet, making out slowly and deliciously. Dougie could spend whole afternoons like this.

When the kiss ends, Harry smiles at him. "D'you want to," Dougie inclines his head to the bed.

"Tour thing," Harry says, and Dougie's heart sinks.

"Right. Tour thing." He looks hopefully at Harry's mouth again. "Maybe we could still, that was good —"

"Harry, Dougie, you up here?" Danny's voice comes from outside. "Fletch changed the meeting day, he's coming round."

"Of course he is," Dougie mutters, disentangling himself from Harry. "I'm gonna need a minute, could you —?"

"Yep," Harry nods. He heads out to deal with Danny, and Dougie sticks his hand down his pants.

*

The first night of Wonderland tour, Dougie yanks Harry's hand as he pulls him into their hotel room. It's still quite early, but he has waited long _enough_ , damn it. He shoves Harry against the wall, unzips his jeans, and drops to his knees.

Harry's head hits the wall with a thunk as Dougie sinks his mouth onto Harry's cock. "Fuck, Doug," he shivers as Stateira rubs up against Alida. Dougie gets to work, sucking and licking and twisting his hand while Stateira winds herself around and around Alida. Harry's shaking and moaning within a minute, and Dougie keeps up a fast pace. He hums around Harry's cock at about the ten-minute mark, and cups his balls as he does it. Harry comes after a warning yelp, and Dougie swallows bit by bit.

He stands up. "Holy shit, Dougie," Harry breathes.

"I've been waiting a long time to do that," Dougie shrugs.

Harry makes a small noise and grabs him, teetering over to the bed, kicking off his shoes and jeans and underwear. He gets Dougie naked pretty quickly, and starts kissing a line down his stomach while Alida wriggles against Stateira.

That tour is amazing; the shows are a ton of fun, he spends a lot of time with Harry, he _really_ loves their new songs, and he gets to have sex with Harry a lot. They sneak off sometimes in the middle of the day. Harry touches him more and more, and by the end of the tour Alida will make a beeline for Stateira when they're all hanging out together so they can curl up. Harry likes to tickle Dougie, and Alida likes to nuzzle her nose against Stateira. Everything is just exactly right.

Except for the violin player. She's absolutely gorgeous, she clearly fancies the pants off Harry, and he fancies her right back. Her [starling](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_starling) daemon flits as near to Harry as he can get, then back to her. They haven't spoken. Harry's found out her name, but they can't hang out, so it doesn't go anywhere until the end of the tour.

There's a party on the last night. Dougie goes with Harry, who chats up the violin player, then pulls Dougie aside to say, "Look, I know we were going to spend tonight together, but this might be my only chance with Izzy. Is it okay?"

Dougie honestly doesn't mind, not really, and besides he thinks he and Harry will probably keep sleeping together when they get home. "Yeah, go for it," he nods, smiling at him.

"Thanks, you're a good mate." Harry puts an arm around his shoulders and squeezes fondly, then goes back to Izzy. Stateira runs up to Dougie's shoulder.

"You don't think they might, y'know, get together?" she asks.

"Well — oh." Dougie's heart sinks. "I suppose they might."

"Let's just hope she doesn't mind him sleeping with you on tour," Stateira sighs, and Dougie has an urge to call Harry back, say he's changed his mind, can they be proper boyfriends please. But Harry and Izzy are already gone, and he slumps against the food table.

"Maybe it's time to move on," Dougie sighs. "Again."

"Giving up isn't the same as moving on," Stateira points out, jumping down to the table to hand him a cocktail sausage impaled on a toothpick. He takes it despondently and nods.

*

Dougie moves on.

He has a few girlfriends, none of whom last all that long, but all of whom are lovely. He's single a lot, which he tries not to mind much. He sort of does relationship things with Tom, and sometimes with Harry (which puts dents in his I-am-moving-on attitude, but he craves those times all the same), so it's mostly sex he misses. He is genuinely happy for Harry and Izzy, even when he feels like a seventh wheel at bring-your-girlfriend dinners at Tom's house after they all move to their own places. He takes Ant sometimes to make up the numbers, and they act over-the-top, saying things like, "Anthony, light of my life, fire of my loins, pass me the salt," and "Dougie, my darling, my life, my everything, here are the potatoes." Harry glowers a lot whenever they do that, but fuck him. It's fun.

Touring and not sleeping with Harry is a new experience, and not one Dougie is immensely fond of. Stateira sleeps curled around his neck, which is hugely comforting. He gets used to it after a while, though, and just gets on with being Harry's best friend.

*

"It's too hot for all this fur," Dougie hears from across the room. Everyone is lying in a separate heap with their daemon, except for Jason, who is sitting at the mixing desk. It's the hottest part of a particularly hot day, they're in Australia, and Tom and Orinthia are baking.

Evanna howls mournfully. Harry and Alida are tracking drums in an air-conditioned booth, so they're probably all right. Stateira is stretched lethargically across Dougie's stomach.

"Whew, it's hot in here," Fletch says as he walks in, closely followed by Augusta, his [hen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derbyshire_Redcap) daemon.

"Yeah," Dougie agrees, the word dragging out.

"Air con's bust in here," Tom says.

"I'll see if there's another studio free or something," Fletch nods, and walks out again. Nobody moves. Danny looks half asleep.

"You know, it might be cooler outside," Dougie suggests, but he doesn't feel like moving.

"Probably not," Danny mutters.

"Is there a fridge I can climb into?" Tom groans, fanning himself with the nearest piece of paper.

It cools down enough to be vaguely comfortable by the time Harry is finished, thanks to Fletch getting them some really good fans. Harry throws himself down onto the sofa next to Dougie and says, "I'm knackered." Alida crawls into his lap and just curls up.

The nearest fan rattles slightly as it moves the air over Dougie's face. He basks in it. "Anybody want to go out for dinner?" he asks the room in general.

"I'm going to that Japanese place with Danny and Fletch," Jason says.

"And me," Tom reminds him.

"And Tom," Jason nods. "It's just he's so forgettable, you know?"

"Who is?" Danny grins.

"Shut up," Tom says, throwing the nearest object at him. It's a magazine, and the corner hits Danny in the nose.

"Ow, bastard." Danny's still grinning, of course, and gets up to mock-punch Tom. Dougie tucks his legs up so they're out of the way, and they end up on Harry's thighs.

"You could have dinner with me and Izzy," Harry suggests.

"But it's her last night here," Dougie points out, "I thought you were having a romantic night." He sternly doesn't think about the implications of that phrase. It takes a lot of effort.

"We want to talk to you, though, she said to invite you. I just ... I forgot until now." Dougie twists around to look at his face. He's avoiding Dougie's eyes. Alida isn't giving anything away either.

"Did she really say to invite me, or did you not forget? You're lying about something. Fine if it was forgetting, but don't you dare spring me on her."

"She really said to invite you." Harry's startled into looking right at Dougie, and this time he isn't lying. Dougie just nods.

"Okay then, I'll come. I'll — go." Despite the awkward angle, their faces are rather close, and Harry's still looking into his eyes. "I should — go," Dougie finishes in a whisper.

Danny kicks the sofa, jolting them out of the moment. "Oi, you two, are you deaf? Studio time's over."

"Sorry, yeah." Dougie scrambles up, Stateira steadying herself on his shoulder. She shoots a grateful look at Evanna, who nods in return. "I'll be getting ready," he mumbles at Harry, and practically runs outside.

Stateira sits on the floor next to the shower while Dougie washes. "What do you think they want to talk about?" she asks.

"Fuck knows," Dougie says, rinsing the suds off his arms. "It's such an ominous thing to say, 'We want to talk to you'. Why both of them? Are they going to collectively warn me off Harry or something stupid like that?"

"Maybe they'll proposition us," Stateira says. Dougie laughs.

"Yeah, right. We _wish_." He sighs, lathering up his hair. "Maybe she's pregnant and they want me to be godfather. That's more likely."

"I dunno, I reckon Izzy fancies you."

"Stop it." Dougie's eyes are closed as he rinses his hair, and he keeps them that way to let the water cascade over his body. If he gets his hopes up again, just when he's doing so well at moving on —

"You haven't moved on," Stateira interrupts his train of thought.

"Shut up. I have." He still won't look at her, though.

"Right. So if he and Izzy proposition us tonight, and she says it's fine if we see Harry and Alida when we get home, you wouldn't want that or anything?"

Dougie slides down the wall, whimpering. "How fucked are we, on a scale of one to really fucking fucked?"

She climbs over to put a paw on his shoulder. "Catastrophically fucked. Whenever I get near Alida, I have to stop myself from just ..." She paws at him helplessly. "Stupid feelings," she concludes.

"Yup." Dougie buries his face in his hands. "What are we going to do?"

He feels her curl up on his neck, even though her fur is instantly soaked by the still-running shower and his wet hair. "Nothing," she sighs. "Maybe get Tom and Danny to keep a closer eye on us and them, intervene when we're getting too flirty."

"Right." Except that the idea of not getting to so much as flirt with Harry makes Dougie feel like a chasm just opened up in his chest.

"Or just," she shrugs in frustration, "keep on doing what we're doing. Look, we've tried ignoring it, we've tried getting over them, we've tried moving on. Nothing's worked. Maybe we're just fucked."

He holds his arms a little out from himself while she moves around to his front so they can hug. He pulls her in and clings, the shower still beating down on them.

There's a knock at the door. "You okay in there?" Tom calls.

"Yeah, hold on." Dougie stands and switches the shower off. The door opens and Tom steps in.

"Sorry, I need a wee. What's up?"

Dougie grabs a towel and starts drying himself as Tom stands at the toilet. Stateira jumps onto the sink. "Oh, I was just ... I'm fine."

"Crying in the shower, yeah, you're _totally_ fine." Tom sounds annoyed. He sort of slams the flush on and washes his hands in silence.

"It's Harry, okay? He invited me to dinner with him and Izzy and I'm freaking out and I _tried_ but I'm not over him. Now shut up, I have to get dressed."

He pushes past Tom to get to the door, but Tom grabs hold of his arms. "Doug. Hey, Doug. I'm sorry. But talk to me about this stuff, yeah? Whenever you need me, I'm here."

Dougie sort of rushes at him and wraps his arms around his back. Stateira jumps down to sit at their feet, laying her tail over Orinthia's. Tom hugs him almost fiercely. "It'll be okay, Dougie."

"Thanks."

Dougie puts on his nicest shirt and smartest trousers. He's not sure where they're eating, but he'll be on the safe side; he wants to at least look nice when they tell him they're getting married or whatever it is. Stateira hands him clothes with reassuring murmurs, but he's still too nervous by the time he emerges from his room to really speak properly.

"It's not far," Harry says when they set off, "it's that little Italian place down the beach."

It's a really nice restaurant. Dougie is glad he dressed well when they're led to a table in a corner, discreet and against the wall. He orders a beef spaghetti dish, and it smells delicious when it arrives, but all Harry and Izzy have talked about so far is the film they went to see last week, the latest developments in the love lives of two friends of theirs, and the souvenirs they’ve bought for Izzy’s brother. Stateira is nervously playing with the cutlery. Alida won't sit still; Dougie can hear her moving around at their feet, the unmistakable sound of her hopping in agitation over Harry's shoes making Stateira even more jittery. Gaius, Izzy's daemon, keeps flitting up from her shoulder to do a circuit above the table. He's the least punchy of them, but he still betrays some nerves on Izzy's part. Or perhaps it's his reaction to her being pregnant or something, Dougie thinks.

He can't eat. He pushes his spaghetti around on his plate, listening to them talk and giving short answers to questions. Finally, he can't take it any more; Stateira pokes him in the arm until he opens his mouth and says, "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Harry makes as if to speak, then shuts his mouth. He looks at Izzy, who rolls her eyes and turns to Dougie. "We were thinking," she says, "well, wondering, really — I know Harry likes you. I know you used to ... well, I know. The thing is, I rather fancy you myself, and we were wondering," she takes Harry's hand and he glances anxiously at Dougie, "if you wanted to come home with us tonight."

Dougie blows the air out of his cheeks. _Told you_ , Stateira thinks at him. He can't quite believe it, though. "You mean you — you want a threesome?" he hisses across the table. He's suddenly aware of how very public this all is.

"Yes," Izzy replies. "If you want to, that is. Do you — I mean, I don't assume — do you fancy me?"

Of course he does, she's gorgeous. "Yeah, but — can I think about it?"

"Don't you want to?" Harry blurts out.

"Well, I — yeah." It's not like he hasn't wanked over the idea a hundred times. "But will this — is this a one-off? Is the offer only for tonight?"

"We were thinking," Harry seems to be getting bolder now the actual propositioning is done, "see how it goes. Maybe," he looks at Izzy, who nods, "maybe us two could sleep together when we're away from home. Tour and stuff."

"I'd be all right with that, I think," Izzy adds.

Dougie's stomach has settled now he knows what this is all about. He twirls his spaghetti on his fork and eats a mouthful just for something to do. "I don't know," he says once he's swallowed. "I kind of can't say yes fast enough. But I kind of want ... more than fuck buddies." He forces himself to look at Harry when he says it. He can't read the expression Harry gets, there's too much in it. "So I don't know."

"Er, I'm not a hundred percent sure I'm okay with fuck buddies," Izzy interjects. "I think I'd be fine with it, but I won't really know until ... I see you together, really."

"Oh." Dougie's really not sure he likes the idea of him and Harry being evaluated to see whether they can have sex again. Stateira jumps into his lap and grumbles quietly. Gaius is pecking at Izzy's sleeve, and Alida is sitting on Harry's lap, her ears and eyes just visible over the table.

"You don't have to decide right now," Harry says, after a tense silence. "Think about it, though, yeah?"

"Yeah." Dougie nods, and stuffs his mouth full of food. After a few false starts, the conversation turns to how the album's going, and he just lets Harry and Izzy talk, half-listening while he thinks.

 _How will it make anything better if I say yes to this?_ he thinks at Stateira, desperately.

 _You'll get to sleep with Harry again_ , she points out.

 _But that'll be it, just fuck buddies when we're on tour. Look at them, they're solid. He's been talking about moving in with her. So she gets to wake up next to him and do all the soppy shit, and I get a good fuck for six weeks a year._ He can hardly believe he is honestly thinking about turning down sex, sex with _Harry_ and with a _hot chick_ , at the _same time_ , but he just can't ignore the last few years.

 _What if this is just the start, though?_ Stateira drapes her tail over his arm, doing her best to calm him. _So being okay with a threesome leads her to being okay with fuck buddies, what if that going well but not being enough leads her to being okay with Harry being with both of you?_

 _Don't make me hope again_ , Dougie pleads.

There's a lull in the conversation, and he realises that he's been staring at his lap and probably looks weird; also that Alida is sitting by his feet looking at Stateira.

"Sorry, I was — thinking. What were you saying?" He tries to pay attention.

Stateira jumps to the floor, and at the back of his mind, Dougie can hear their whispers. "We can't stand seeing that look on his face," Alida starts. "It's killing us, what's going on?"

"Feelings are stupid," Stateira informs her. "Our feelings especially. He's pretty afraid of how hurt we'll be if things don't work out."

"Yeah, Harry is _terrified_ of that," Alida says. "I have hope, though." She touches her nose to Stateira's, hesitant.

"Me too," Stateira answers, nuzzling their noses slightly. Dougie feels an intense tingle in his chest, but he's getting ready to join in with what Izzy is saying about the housing market in England, so he tries to ignore it. He knows right then, though, that saying no is not an option. Fuck buddies is better than nothing.

It takes until they're almost finished with pudding before he's worked up the courage to bring the subject up. "So um," he plays with the last of his cake, "about going home with you." He takes a deep breath, and looks at Harry. "I'd love to."

Tension Dougie hadn't even noticed lifts from Harry's shoulders. "Really?" He has this look on his face, soft and cautious and so, so happy. Dougie is completely and utterly fucked, because he's pretty sure now that Harry is the love of his life. He sort of wants to punch his life.

"Yeah, really." He glances at Izzy, who looks pleased. Gaius flutters down to where Stateira and Alida are sitting, and ruffles his feathers in a friendly way. It's rather cute.

"Shall we go now?" Harry shifts his chair out a bit, craning his neck for a waiter.

Izzy laughs. "Can we finish dinner first, please?" She doesn't have much left of her mousse, and Harry's already finished eating. "There's coffee and mints yet," she grins.

"Sod that, I can make you coffee at home." Harry catches a waiter's eye and waves him over. Izzy stifles giggles in her hand. Dougie can't help but snort too, Harry's being so endearingly eager. Mostly, though, it just sets a falling sensation in the pit of his stomach going. Maybe Harry's missed it as much as he has.

They split the bill three ways. Izzy teases Harry by pretending to insist they stay for coffee, only relenting when she's laughing too much to keep a straight face. Dougie's leg starts jigging as they're paying, nervous energy building behind his knees. Stateira climbs up his shin to calm him down, splaying her paws over his knee and murmuring soothing noises.

On the walk back to the house, Harry is between Dougie and Izzy. They're about half way there when Dougie feels Harry's hand brush against his, then nudge. He lets Harry take his hand, twining their fingers together, feeling the delicious rush at physical contact. It's been years of staring at his lips since he last kissed Harry, or blew him, and he's salivating. None of them are even trying to talk now, their daemons betraying their nerves. They let themselves into the house, too quiet for anybody to be home yet.

"Um," Izzy starts, "how about we have some wine?" There's a bottle already open from yesterday, so Harry grabs three glasses while Dougie pulls the stopper out. He pours a good measure into each glass, emptying the bottle.

They move into the lounge, settling on the three-seater sofa, Harry in the middle. There's silence for a minute, until Izzy says, "Seriously, one of you has to say something. We can't do this if it's awkward." Gaius is hopping up and down on her shoulder.

"Right, sorry." Harry swallows a mouthful of wine. "It's just — look, why don't we start with a kiss? How's that?" He's looking at her, and she nods.

"Okay," Dougie says. Harry stays turned away from him and kisses Izzy. It looks like a nice kiss.

When they break apart, Izzy stands up and comes over to Dougie's side of the sofa. She gives him a really pretty smile, leans down, and kisses him. It's a sweet kiss, almost chaste but not quite. Gaius stretches one wing out and strokes it gently down Stateira's back. Dougie leans into the sensation, and sits back when Izzy pulls away, Gaius following suit. "Now," she says, "it's your turn." She looks rather apprehensive, but he doesn't have any time to worry about it. Harry's hand slides along his back, at the base of his spine where his shirt's riding up, and Dougie turns towards him _fast_ and catches his mouth. Stateira jumps on Alida at the same moment, wrapping her arms around Alida's neck and nuzzling their cheeks together. Harry groans, shifts so they're at a better angle, and cups the back of Dougie's head.

It's like a switch is flipped. Dougie turns his entire body and presses closer, until he's touching Harry wherever it is possible to touch him, tongue in Harry's mouth, one hand fisted in his hair, the other tugging at his shirt. Alida rubs her ears along Stateira's side frantically, sending shivers of pleasure down Dougie's back. Harry already has his hands under Dougie's shirt, and is working at his trousers when Izzy clears her throat.

"Clearly," she says, "you two have some stuff to work out. But could you do it another time, please? I'm actually here."

"Sorry." Harry's a little breathless. Dougie forces himself not to wriggle down into Harry's lap and blow him right now. "Yes, of course."

Izzy kisses Harry again, tugging him up until he's standing. He still has one hand on Dougie's waist, so Dougie is pulled upright with him. "Bedroom?" he says, since they're still kissing.

Izzy breaks the kiss to say, "Yes, bedroom," while Harry nods vigorously. They make their way there, Izzy kissing Dougie and then Harry kissing Dougie (which makes him forget everything else and bump into walls). It's sort of clumsy undressing each other when there's three of you, but it's fun. Stateira, Alida and Gaius are tentatively touching, Gaius with his wings stroking them both. Alida rubs her ears against them in turn, Stateira's tail wrapped around her, her head on Gaius.

Harry, kissing Dougie hard, traces his fingers over Dougie's ass. "If you want," Harry murmurs into his mouth, "I could fuck you."

Dougie's cock jumps and he makes an incoherent noise in answer. It was always handjobs, blowjobs, frottage and friction with them, never anything serious, just fooling around. Dougie has wanted Harry to fuck him for nearly five years, there's no way he can be coherent at the prospect.

"Take that as a yes," Izzy says. She's smiling, Dougie can hear it in her voice. "We've got lube, we've got condoms. Doug, when you can, have a think about how you want me."

Alida envelopes Stateira in a full-body wriggle, and Dougie slithers out of Harry's grasp onto the duvet. "It's Christmas," he blurts out, the only two words he can think at the moment.

"Am I all right to get you ready?" Harry asks him, smiling wide. Izzy's giggling. Dougie can't really say anything, he just nods and turns over at Harry's command. There are breasts right in front of him, Harry's fingers inside him, and Gaius hugging Stateira to his chest with one wing. Dougie is pretty overwhelmed.

When Harry has three fingers in him, and Dougie can process the situation again, he shifts and wriggles until his head is level with Izzy's crotch. "I want," he says, "is it okay if I —?"

"Yes," she breathes, "that's, yeah. Great." The three of them shift around on the bed until they're comfortable, Izzy propped on the pillows, Dougie sprawled between her legs, Harry kneeling behind him. He rolls on a condom, Dougie begins licking, and then he feels the slicked-up head of Harry's cock pushing through.

The moment Harry is buried in him all the way, pausing for a few seconds before pulling out again, Dougie knows he won't be able to stand it if he can't have this all the time. It's better than jerking off with a dildo, infinitely better, better than _anything_. Alida rakes her claws down Stateira's sides, Gaius wraps them both in his wings, Harry builds a rhythm with one hand around Dougie's cock, Izzy makes wonderful sounds as Dougie laps, and he comes in about three minutes.

*

They wake up the next morning tangled in a heap of numb limbs. Dougie's ass aches, and if he didn't already have morning wood he'd be getting hard from the memory of last night alone. Izzy has to fly back to England that afternoon, but they have sex again, then breakfast with the others. They smile at each other a lot.

Dougie doesn't go with them to the airport, but Izzy pulls him aside for a private goodbye. She kisses his cheek, smiles, and says, "I didn't know how much you love him until last night. I'm so sorry I can't just ... stand aside, or something, but I can't. I love him too."

"I know. It's okay." Dougie hugs her, feeling awkward. "Do you think maybe some day you'd be okay with him being with me as well as you, though?"

She takes a deep breath. "You know, I do. Not right now — I need to think. But when you're away from home, I'm okay with that, definitely."

"Does that mean here, or just tour?" Stateira's sitting on his shoulder, and he can feel her tail twitch.

"It means here," Izzy answers with a smile. "Be happy, won't you?"

"Thank you," Dougie exhales, and kisses her. She kisses back fondly, Gaius briefly laying his head on Stateira's.

Harry gets back from taking her to the airport when the recording session is in full swing. They're doing full performance takes, so Harry gets set up, and they run through Corrupted. It's a long day without much chance to talk, but near the end of it Harry says to Dougie as he passes, "Fancy a walk on the beach after this?"

"Yeah, okay," Dougie replies, and turns back to his bass.

When the day finally ends and everything is packed away, Harry says to him, "Meet you outside in ten minutes, yeah?" Dougie nods, and goes back to the house to change his shirt. He's not as sweaty as he was the day before; the air conditioning in the studio was fixed that morning. Stateira doesn't say much as he gets changed, she just fiddles with the clothes in his drawers, sorting through his bras, moving his socks around. He scoops her up and they head outside.

"It'll be okay," he says, feeling strange to be the one doing the reassuring.

"I know, I'm just." Stateira waves her paws.

"Yeah, me too." Dougie exhales shakily as he spots Harry waiting on the beach. "Come on."

Harry's face lights up when he sees him, and Alida bounds over to lead him the last few feet to where Harry is standing. "Hi," he says.

"Hi." Harry takes his hand, curling their fingers together. They start walking, Stateira and Alida at their heels grinning at each other.

"Did Izzy talk to you before she left?" Harry asks after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Yeah. She said she's okay with us being together when we're away from home. So," Dougie strokes Harry's index finger with his thumb, "what did she say to you?"

"She said some day she could see us having a thing where I'm with you at home, too. It'll be a while, but some day."

"I can live with that." Dougie smiles at him. Harry's practically glowing. They round a dune, and Harry stops.

Dougie looks at the little cove in the sand. It's sheltered from above by a small cliff, and from either side by dunes. In the centre of it is a blanket, held down by empty wine bottles with candles stuck in the necks. "What's this?" he says.

"It's, well it was meant to be a candlelit picnic at sunset," Harry indicates the sky, "but we ran late. And I didn't have enough time to get any food. So it's ... a blanket on a beach."

"Awww." Dougie tilts up to kiss his cheek. "It's lovely." They sit on the blanket, and Harry lights the candles. Stateira rests her head against Alida's shoulder, and Alida nuzzles her.

"We'll have a few weeks off soon," Harry says. "Fancy spending it together, having a proper holiday?"

"Yeah, I'd love that." Dougie feels like he'll never stop smiling. "Are you going to kiss me any time soon?"

"Yeah." Harry smiles, and leans in. He kisses Dougie softly, slowly, resting one hand on his hip. Dougie runs his fingers through Harry's hair, kissing him like he's wanted to for years. It's glorious, sitting in the dusk making out, Stateira winding her tail around Alida, Alida nuzzling against her. Dougie feels a quietness in his chest, an absolute rightness, and shifts closer so he's more comfortable.

Harry starts stroking his thumb over Dougie's hip. He breaks the kiss to whisper, "Stop being so sexy."

Dougie laughs. "What?"

"This is meant to be romantic, I want it to be all," Harry kisses him lightly again, "tender and nice, but you're so fucking sexy all I want to do is bang your brains out."

"I'm not even doing anything," Dougie protests over the rush of blood to his groin.

Harry smiles, tilting and leaning in. "You're being," he murmurs against Dougie's mouth, kissing him in the middle of the sentence, "sexy."

Dougie makes a small noise in his throat and kisses Harry hard. Harry slows it down, takes it back to the slow gorgeous making out, and tips Dougie backwards onto the blanket. They shift around until Dougie's on his back, Harry on top of him, still kissing him deeply but softly. Both of Harry's hands frame Dougie's face, and Dougie wants one of them or both of them or _something_ to touch him further down. Anywhere further down, he's not fussed at this point. Stateira wriggles against Alida, who responds by pinning her down with all four legs. Dougie feels another rush of arousal, this one deeper.

The kiss ends, and Harry rests their foreheads together. "I am so in love with you," he whispers, so much raw emotion in his voice that Dougie instinctively moves his hand to cup Harry's jaw. "I've loved you for years."

"You could have told me," Dougie whispers back. He can't quite process how happy he is.

"I didn't know how you felt," Harry says. He pauses. "How ... _do_ you feel?"

"I'm in love with you," Dougie answers. "I started falling the second I met you. I tried for years to get over you, move on, but it's no good. You're the love of my fucking life, I'll never get over you."

Harry kisses him hard, touching his face with his fingertips, leaving tiny tingles all over Dougie's skin. Dougie hears Alida whisper to Stateira, "You might be the love of our life, too."

They lie there making out until they get cold, and then Harry leads him back to the house. He makes Dougie wait to be touched again while they have dinner and talk to Tom and Danny about a song idea. He does his best to concentrate, but he can't stop watching Harry's mouth, so it's difficult. Tom and Danny notice, of course, and when they're done talking about the song, Tom says, "Right, we'll leave you two lovebirds alone then."

"Yeah, see you later. Or tomorrow." Danny grins, grabbing his jacket. "You coming out, Tom?"

"You know what, for once, I will." Orinthia bumps companionably against Evanna's legs as they walk out.

"Have fun," Danny calls behind them.

"You ever think they're a bit too amused by us?" Harry's smiling at him.

Dougie doesn't answer. He's as hard as he can stand to be, and waiting has made it worse. "Touch me, Harry, please."

Harry knocks his chair over, he moves so quickly. He tugs Dougie up by the waistband of his trousers and kisses him, arms immediately going around his back. Dougie presses his erection against Harry's leg desperately. "Wow, sorry, I didn't realise," Harry says against his mouth.

"Please," Dougie moans. Harry starts walking them towards his bedroom, yanking Dougie's shirt off. They stumble on the stairs. Dougie wants them to just fuck right here, but Harry pulls him on, Alida pushing Stateira beside them. By the time they get to Harry's room, Harry's hand is inside Dougie's underwear, wrapping around his cock. Dougie sinks against the wall, moaning loudly as Harry swirls his thumb over the head and starts kissing his neck.

"I want to fuck you after this, okay?" Harry murmurs, and Dougie gets dizzy nodding. Harry licks a stripe up his neck, while Alida licks one down Stateira's back. Dougie's thighs start shaking.

He comes a couple of minutes later, pinned to the wall by Harry's body, and Harry bites his neck lightly. "Oh, fuck," Dougie breathes.

"D'you like that?" Harry asks, biting him again. Dougie shivers. "I should do that more." Harry smiles against his skin.

"You said something about fucking me?" are the next words Dougie can coherently say.

*

Their last day in Australia, Harry takes Dougie to the zoo, where they spend most of their time in the reptile house. Stateira hisses happily at every snake, and Dougie gets to talk to the guy in charge about lizards. On the way home, after stopping at a nice little cafe for lunch, they detour to the beach, where they goof around taking silly pictures and kissing in the sand.

It's late afternoon when they get home. They head immediately for Harry's room, where Harry takes his time getting Dougie's clothes off and kisses every part of his body from his thighs up. He fucks him agonisingly slowly, Alida clawing down Stateira's back, until Dougie is a wreck. "Please," he begs, " _please_ , Harry, harder."

Harry leans over to say into his ear, voice low, "Call me sir."

"Fuck," Dougie's voice cracks. "Sir, please, harder, sir."

Harry bites his back and builds the pace until he's fucking him fast. "Harder," Dougie moans. "Please, Harry, sir, _harder_."

"Fuck," Harry whispers, and starts pounding into him. It is, Dougie has discovered, the best feeling in the entire world. Harry's hand speeds up on his cock, Alida holds Stateira down and rubs against her, and Dougie comes with a yell.

Harry fucks him well into the afterglow, their bodies moving in unison as Dougie twitches through every wave of his orgasm. Harry's kissing and biting his back, making noises in his throat that crescendo, until he's coming, holding Dougie close with both arms wrapped around his waist.

They collapse onto the bed, and Harry pulls out and deals with the condom. They lie curled together for a while, fingertips tracing patterns over each other's skin, Stateira in a ball against Alida.

"I don't want to go home," Dougie says. The delicious burn in his ass has been there for weeks, and when it fades, there'll be no more markers of this. No more sex until the tour.

"We can be together again in a few months," Harry reminds him.

"I know, but," Dougie kisses him, "I don't want this to end."

"Me neither. We'll just have to make the most," Harry runs his fingertips up over Dougie's thigh, "of the time we've got left."

*

Dougie meets Frankie at a party a couple of months after they get back from Australia. He'd heard the Saturdays would be there, but suddenly there she is, right in front of him. Frankie Sandford. He tries to ask her if she wants a drink, but when he opens his mouth all that comes out is a noise that's half made of "would" and half of "ahhh". She looks kind of taken aback.

"I can translate," Danny says. They're here together, because Harry was busy and Tom wanted a night in. "That means, I'm really shy, but would you like a drink?"

"Is that what it means?" She's speaking mostly to Dougie, who nods. Stateira waves at Frankie's [dormouse](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hazel_Dormouse) daemon, who hides his face in Frankie's neck.

Dougie buys her a cocktail, and by the time she's finished it he can form actual sentences. Danny's off chatting to some industry people, so Dougie's without a safety net, but he does all right. Frankie is really, really nice, and even more gorgeous in person. Her daemon's called Ichabod, they like some of the same films, and Dougie asks her out at the end of the night.

"I'd love to," she smiles at him. "Here," she takes her phone out, "this is my number." He programs it into his phone, and texts her _hey sexy_ so she has his. She blushes when she reads it. It's adorable.

He and Danny get a taxi home together, and Dougie grins the whole way. "You know you're going to have to tell Harry, right?" Danny says when they're almost home.

"Yeah, I know. But he has Izzy, it'll be fine." Nothing can ruin this night. He has a date with Frankie Sandford. He has her _phone number_. Sixteen-year-old Dougie would already have exploded with happiness.

He tells Harry the next morning. He thinks it's probably best to do it in person, so he goes round after breakfast. Stateira tries to whisper to him that he should be more worried, but he ignores her. "It'll be fine," he repeats.

It isn't fine. "But what about us?" Harry asks. He looks like Dougie's just kicked him.

"Well, I'll ask her about tour. But I'm single, Harry, you know that. Unless you ..." Something dawns on Dougie. "Wait, did you think I'm not single? That you somehow have a claim on me even when we're not together?"

Harry's voice is so quiet it stems Dougie's rising anger. "Don't I?" He looks so hurt, so _small_ , that Dougie immediately hugs him. He wants so badly to tell Harry he's his, he always has been, but he can't say it.

"It's not fair," he says instead. "You've got Izzy, you love her as well as me. Why do I have to be the one who always waits until I'm allowed to have you? Why can't I have someone else, someone I really, really like?"

Harry clings onto him. The hug should have ended by now, but Harry keeps hold, and Dougie lets him. "It's Frankie," he says. "Surely you remember how I feel about Frankie?"

"You said," and Dougie's heart almost breaks, because Harry has never sounded this vulnerable, "she's the perfect woman. Your perfect woman."

"She is," he says, as gently as possible. "I'm not going to stop loving you just because I'm falling for her, too."

There's a pause. "You are?" Harry now sounds like he's about to cry. Dougie thinks _Do something, quick_ , at Stateira, who has been petting Dougie's hair. She scampers down his body and he can feel her touching Alida, hugging her tightly.

"Yeah," Dougie says, quiet. "And I still love you. I told you, I'll never get over you." Harry doesn't answer. Dougie just holds him close, Stateira murmuring soothing noises into Alida's ear.

"We've always known," Alida whispers, barely audible, "that if you ever met Frankie, that'd be it for us. We can't compete with her."

"You don't have to," Stateira says. "Really, you don't." She nuzzles Alida's cheek.

The date with Frankie goes well, so well they arrange another after it. Then another, and it's on the fourth date that Dougie tells her about him and Harry. "Do you think that's something you'd be okay with?" His heart thumps as he watches her face, sure what her answer will be.

He's right. "No. Sorry, I just can't. If you're with me, you're with me, anything else would be cheating."

Dougie doesn't agree; cheating is when the other person doesn't know about it. But he just nods. This deserves a chance. "Okay then, I'll just be with you. I mean, if you'll have me."

She smiles, her whole face brightening. "Yeah, definitely," she says, and Dougie feels light and sort of fizzy when he looks at her.

Tour starts, and Harry leaves him alone. Things between them have been slightly strained since he got together with Frankie, but they're still close, they still do best friend stuff together. The band's okay. There are moments of tension, and every time Dougie mentions Frankie, Harry goes quiet, but mostly it's okay. Saying goodnight and going to separate rooms really sucks, but they've done it before.

On Dougie's birthday, they have a party in the hotel after the show. Frankie can't make it, but she calls half way through the night and Dougie goes to his room to talk to her. He misses her a lot; he's very definitely falling in love with her, and the situation with Harry makes him miss her even more. He tells her about the show and the party, and she tells him about her own show. They eventually have to get off the phone, so Dougie says he'll see her when he gets home, and hangs up after their goodbyes.

When he opens the door to go back to the party, Harry is standing there, holding Alida. "Oh," he says, "sorry, I was about to knock."

"Come in." Dougie stands aside, and the door closes after him. He trusts Harry completely, but something in his eyes makes Dougie hope he won't have to deflect anything.

"I just wanted to say," Harry watches Alida hop onto the bed to sit next to Stateira, "I had so many plans for tonight, but now I can't do any of it. I want to do so many things," his hand hovers over Dougie's hip, "and most of all, I wish I could kiss you right now. But I can't. I hate that I can't, and I know I act like I hate Frankie or something — I want you to know that I don't." He makes eye contact, finally. Holding Dougie's gaze, he says, "I'm jealous of her, and I can see that you're really falling for her, maybe falling in love with her." Dougie's face must be showing something, because Harry stops and looks hurt. He swallows, and carries on, "I just want you to know that even if you stay with her forever, I'll still be here. Ignore me when I get too jealous, okay? I love you, I love you so much, I just want you to be happy. Being with her obviously makes you happy, so, I'm trying to be okay with it."

Dougie hugs him. "I love you," he whispers. "Thank you."

Harry tightens his arms around him. "Happy birthday," he says.

*

"Where did Harry say he was tonight?" Giovanna asks. Her [otter](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otter) daemon, Baldassare, is playing with Orinthia's tail.

"Five-a-side." Dougie looks over to where Frankie and Georgia are deep in conversation, while Danny mixes a drink Tom has named The Bad Decision. Evanna is reading the labels of every bottle he uses.

"Maybe he'll come tomorrow night," Tom says. They're having a whole week of Christmas parties this year, and this is the third. Harry's been busy every night so far.

"I think he said he was taking Rupert to the cinema," Dougie says.

They're silent for a minute. "I wish he'd let us help," Tom says, taking off his Santa hat to fiddle with the brim. "We're his best mates, if he'd just talk to us —"

"I know." Giovanna squeezes his hand.

"He's falling to pieces and I can't do anything." Orinthia puts her claws through the hat. "It's been three months since they broke up, why can't I _do_ anything?"

"How do you think I feel?" Dougie says quietly, looking at his lap. Stateira's playing with his bracelets.

"I'm sorry. I'm just —" Tom makes a flaily motion with his hands. "He's so fucking frustrating."

Harry finally comes to the last of the Christmas parties. He brings Ben, whose [terrier](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_Terrier_%28Smooth%29) daemon gets into racing contests with Georgia's daemon Finlay, an apricot [standard Poodle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poodle), and Evanna. Harry spends most of the night sitting next to Dougie, talking to him and Frankie about Christmas and music and everything that isn't personal. Dougie watches Tom corner Harry half way through the night, and they disappear for a while.

The night ends with a flaming Christmas pudding that sets fire to the napkins. Orinthia, Baldassare, Evanna and Finlay blow the flames out while everyone else tries to stamp them out with their hands. Dougie's get scorched pretty badly, so he goes into the kitchen to pour cold water on them. They're still smarting by the time he's finished.

He hears someone behind him, turns, and almost bumps right into Harry. "Sorry," Harry says. He's holding a fork with Christmas pudding on it. "Here," he lifts the fork to Dougie's mouth, "I thought your hands might not be up to gripping this."

Dougie can't help but keep eye contact as he opens his mouth and Harry puts the fork in it. Harry watches him eat with an unreadable expression, and then he says, "Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, Merry Christmas," Dougie echoes. "Are you all right?"

Someone clears their throat. Dougie looks up; Frankie is staring at them. "Just came to see if you're okay," she says.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He holds his hands up. "They're a bit sore still."

"I'll kiss them better." She directs this at Harry, who leaves the room. Stateira runs up to Dougie's shoulder and pats his ear.

When they go home that night, Stateira carrying Ichabod because they like to do that, Frankie says, "You still love him, don't you?"

"Yes." He could never lie to her. "I love you, though. And I'm _with_ you."

"It's not really fair on me to be second best." She says it softly, not looking at him.

Stateira hugs Ichabod. "You're not second best," Dougie says.

"Okay," is Frankie's reply.

They have a great Christmas, and Danny and Georgia throw a brilliant New Year's party. Dougie sees in 2010 by kissing Frankie and hugging Harry, who seems to be determined not to get as drunk as he's been getting lately. He doesn't grope Dougie, at any rate, just hugs him close and whispers, "I love you."

"I love you too," Dougie whispers back. "Happy New Year."

Things seem to be going okay in January, though Frankie is sometimes quiet when Dougie's been spending a lot of time with Harry. He reassures her as much as possible, but can't shake the feeling that it still bothers her. "I won't apologise for loving him," he says to Stateira one morning when they're alone. "I chose her, why isn't that good enough?"

"Because you'd jump at the chance to be with him too," Stateira says, sadly. "It probably doesn't help that you're about to be sleeping in the same bed as him for recording."

"She trusts me, though, right?" He swallows down anger at the thought that she might think him capable of cheating on her. Ever.

"Yeah, she does. It'll be okay, just keep talking to her about it."

On Valentine's Day, Dougie has arranged for a bunch of roses to be delivered, and he's planning various small romantic things during the day. The year before he'd taken her to Greece, so that'll be difficult to top. He's going to try, though.

Only, three bunches of roses are delivered that morning. One is Dougie's for Frankie, and the other two come with a note. _Dougie —_

 _This isn't a move, I don't expect anything. It's just Valentine's Day and I want to say I love you._

 _— Harry_

Dougie breathes in the smell of the roses, their vibrant red so like some parts of Alida's fur, and Frankie says, "I can't do this."

The rest of the conversation, and the rest of the day — the rest of a long time — is awful. Dougie shouldn't be surprised, not entirely; he's always known that she's monogamous and it could be a problem some day. But he's always thought they could get through it, that they're worth it. "Some things," Giovanna says to him while he's round at their house, crying all over their furniture, "you just can't deal with. Being with someone who loves someone else, that's a deal breaker for most people."

"She knew nothing would ever happen. And it's not like I can help it." He furiously wipes at his eyes. "If I could, I'd stop loving Harry."

Giovanna hugs him. "Would you really?" she asks, shrewd.

He sniffs. "No," he admits. "I wish I could want to stop loving him, for her sake, but I can't even do that. I need him." He squeezes his eyes shut. "It's just such a fucking mess."

They're due to leave for Atlanta two days later. Dougie hasn't talked about the actual breaking up yet, not to anyone but Tom and Gi. On the plane to America, while Harry sleeps in the seat next to him, Dougie types it all out in an email.

Harry reads it when they're through customs in Georgia. He pulls Dougie into the back seat with him once they're out of the airport and into their car, and says quietly in his ear, "I am so sorry, I'd never have sent those flowers if I'd known how she felt."

Dougie can't speak. He just hugs Harry.

Harry hasn't been out to Atlanta before. They came here while he was in his falling apart stages of the break-up with Izzy. He's been pulling himself together since Christmas, and he seems all right now. Dougie shows him around the studio and the little house they're staying in. It has two bedrooms, and they're sleeping the way they always do when they don't have their own rooms, so Dougie takes Harry to the bedroom he had to himself last time and says, "And this is our room."

"En suite," Harry nods as he looks around. "Nice." They dump their stuff and head to the studio.

Dallas welcomes them like long-lost brothers, his [mockingbird](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northern_Mockingbird) daemon perched on his shoulder with her head to one side in greeting. They play around with some song ideas for the rest of the afternoon, just messing about. Their new camera guy films some of it. By the time they're ordering Chinese food for dinner, it feels like old times. Harry isn't being overly flirty, but he sits next to Dougie a lot, and keeps trying to make him laugh.

As they're getting into bed that night, Harry says, "If you ever need to talk about it — about anything — I'm right here." Dougie takes it as the olive branch it is, and smiles at him.

"Could do with a cuddle," he says. Stateira scampers up to Alida hopefully, and Harry pulls him close. He falls asleep with Harry's chest pressed to his back, Harry's arm around him, Alida and Stateira curled up in a heap.

*

On their fifth day in Atlanta, Dougie falls asleep in the studio and doesn't wake up until early evening. "You okay?" Tom asks him from his vantage point of sprawled on Dougie's back.

"Yeah." Dougie tries to buck him off. "How long have you been there?"

"About an hour. It's really comfortable."

"For you, maybe." Dougie succeeds in dislodging Tom, and sits up. "What time is it?"

"Half eight. You were completely out of it."

"Dead to the world," Danny adds. "Harry left a bit ago to sleep. What's going on?"

Dougie rubs his eyes. "We spent all last night talking, didn't get a wink of sleep." He yawns.

"Oh yeah? What did you talk about?" Tom settles next to him and reaches for a bowl of cereal.

"Frankie. Izzy. Everything that went wrong, how much we miss them. That sort of stuff." He yawns again. "Am I needed here?"

"Nah, not tonight. Go home," Danny leans over to prod him.

"Bright and early tomorrow," Tom says as Dougie scoops up the still-sleepy Stateira and makes his way out. Harry is asleep in their bed, so Dougie just gets in on the other side and closes his eyes again.

He wakes up when the room is dark but for the lights outside. Harry is propped up on one elbow, looking at him with an expression of such abject and complete love that Dougie almost kisses him. "Hey," Harry whispers.

"Mmf," Dougie says groggily. "Time is it?"

Harry's phone lights his face at a strange angle. "Two in the morning," he answers.

Dougie's head starts to clear. "I'm starving," he says.

They get up and microwave some ready meals in the kitchen. It doesn't look like Tom and Danny are back from the studio yet, so they settle on the sofa to eat, knees jostling, Stateira sitting on Dougie's shoulder, Alida on the arm of the sofa. They don't say anything for a while, but it's comfortable. They worked a lot out the night before, and now the air's clear they can just sit in companionable silence like they used to.

When they finish the meals, Dougie and Stateira raid the fridge and the cupboards for more food. He grabs two apples and a jar of olives, Stateira grabs a bag of marshmallows, and they take them back to Harry. Dougie tosses him an apple and the marshmallows as he sits down, and takes a bite from his own apple. The juice runs down his chin. Harry's eyes follow it.

Dougie brushes the juice off with his hand. He swallows and says, "I had a great night last night."

Harry smiles. "Yeah, me too." He fiddles with his apple. Alida jumps into his lap and steadies one of his hands with a paw. "Listen, I was thinking," Harry starts, looking up and into Dougie's eyes. He takes a deep breath. "Now we've talked about our exes, and everything — well, I thought, I'm single, you're single, what could ... happen here?"

Dougie is so tempted to just kiss him right now. "I'm not really ready yet," he says. "It's only been a couple of weeks, I need some more time to deal with the break-up. But," he puts his hand on Harry's arm, "I want to be with you. I just need time."

Harry exhales shakily. "Take all the time you need. Take years if you want, just, be mine at the end of it."

"I've always been yours," Dougie says before he can stop himself.

Harry leans forward and wipes the apple juice off Dougie's lip, slowly. "Really?"

"Yeah," Dougie breathes, tilting his head and inching towards Harry, "really."

Harry kisses him lightly. It's just a soft press of lips for a few seconds, nothing more, but Dougie has to hold himself back from grabbing Harry's face and snogging him for a very long time. He's still too raw to cope with that.

*

Danny and Dallas get back from a shopping trip one afternoon with a child's keyboard and a xylophone. Danny's showing Tom and Dougie the rest of his haul while Harry and Dallas mess about on the xylophone.

"Look at this wicked shirt," Danny says, folding out a t-shirt with an intricate crest on it, a guitar in the centre. It looks like something he'd get tattooed.

"That's awesome," Dougie takes it to have a closer look. There's some stitches embedded here and there in the design, which Dougie only notices because he can feel them. "Really cool."

"And I got this," Danny holds up a gold necklace of an [eagle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_Imperial_Eagle) with wings outstretched, the chain attached to the tips. An Aliya necklace.

"I always loved hearing about her when I was a kid," Dougie says.

"I had to sing this song at school," Harry says, coming over and sitting half on top of Dougie. It's uncomfortable, so Dougie wriggles out from under him, and Harry grabs his hips to shift him partially onto his legs. Dougie leans back against him. "All about how, what was it —" He pauses, then sings, "And Jesus was the Lord, Aliya his shining daemon, The great light of the Lord, shone through her very being."

Tom says, "I remember that one. I used to sing one about something something no mortal eyes could look upon her something. She was bright, that's all I remember."

"She's bright now," Danny says. He's polishing the necklace with his sleeve, and tilts it to catch the light. "Look. Glinting."

They all crack up. Dougie leans against Harry, his laughter moving him further into his lap. Once they've all calmed down, Harry puts his arms around Dougie's waist and shifts him properly onto his thighs. Alida's standing on his shoulder, Stateira on Dougie's. Dougie doesn't have to look to know they're making faces at each other, he can feel Stateira's bubble of happiness.

Three days later, when they've got another two songs almost right, they get an early night for once. Dougie's not enormously sleepy when he gets into bed, but he's not wide awake either. Harry moves up to him and they spoon, Harry's arm draped over him, talking about the song they'll work on tomorrow. Stateira combs through Alida's fur with her claws, and Harry keeps shivering and shifting closer.

Every time he does, Dougie can feel how his erection is proceeding. The first time, it's quite soft, but after another few minutes, he can feel Harry start to get hard, brushing against him every few seconds. His breath catches whenever he feels it, but they just keep talking. It's getting difficult to concentrate, but Dougie forces himself to. Maybe if they don't acknowledge it, Harry won't move away from him.

When Harry is almost completely hard, he starts tracing circles on Dougie's stomach with his fingertips. He dips lower and lower, Dougie's voice faltering. He stops speaking entirely when the back of Harry's hand brushes against his cock, which has been hard since Harry was half there. Dougie inhales sharply and forgets what they were talking about.

"Sorry," Harry whispers, but he's kissing Dougie's shoulder and he keeps circling over his stomach. "Just — just tell me to stop if I should. I — probably should."

"Don't stop," Dougie whispers before he can think. "No — wait —" He's arching back against him, head on Harry's shoulder, but he can't, not just yet. His heart feels like something's tearing away one of the edges. "Stop," he says, "stop, I'm not —"

Harry stops the second he says no, but keeps his hand splayed on Dougie's stomach until he hears the first 'stop'. He moves that hand to Dougie's arm, stroking down it carefully. "Sorry, Doug, I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay." Dougie turns over to face him, and takes his hand. Their fingers curl around each other. "I want to, I _really_ want to, but it's just not — quite —"

"It's okay," Harry squeezes his hand, "you don't have to explain."

"I'm doing all right," Dougie says, because Harry should know this. "I'm not ready yet, but I'm getting there." He plays with Harry's fingers. "Nearly there."

"How nearly?" He says it so quietly Dougie doesn't even hear it, Stateira does. She passes the sound on to him as a thought.

Dougie's silent until Harry looks at him, and then he says, "Very nearly."

A smile spreads over Harry's entire face, lighting his eyes. "Let me know when you get there," he says, and leans forward to kiss Dougie's forehead.

"I will," Dougie says, and he turns back over again. Harry moves up to him and cuddles again, and they're silent for a minute. Dougie gets a bit more sleepy.

He's also more horny. Harry's cock is against his back, hardening again, and Dougie keeps thinking about Harry's fingers on his stomach. Memories of Harry blowing him aren't helping. They're not speaking, but their breathing is getting faster, and after a little while Harry starts grinding against Dougie's back. Their daemons aren't touching, but Dougie can feel how badly Stateira wants to sprawl on Alida, and it only makes his urge to turn over and grind on Harry worse. Harry makes a small noise of desperation and bites Dougie's shoulder, and Dougie snaps.

"Fuck," he whispers, the sound broken. "Fuck, Harry, fuck me."

Harry makes a louder desperate sound and slides his hand inside Dougie's boxers, palming his ass. It's only there for a second, though; Harry rolls away, the sudden loss of all physical contact startling. "You just said you're not ready," Harry says. His voice is unsteady. "I'm not going to have sex with you if you're not ready."

Dougie turns onto his back with a frustrated groan. "Then I'm going to have to wank," he says, "and now."

"Yeah," Harry licks his lips. He gets up, and Dougie's hand is in his boxers before Harry even reaches the bathroom. Harry watches him for a moment, sagging against the door frame, then goes in and shuts the door.

Stateira curls up against Dougie's neck. He listens until he can hear Harry in the bathroom, making soft noises that Dougie hasn't heard in two years. He speeds up his hand, arching into it and squeezing gently at the start of every stroke. It takes less than two minutes for him to get close to orgasm, and then he hears Harry come and he hurtles closer.

Harry and Alida emerge from the bathroom just as Dougie starts to come, and he can't break eye contact with Harry. When he gets to the aftershocks, Harry groans and practically falls onto the bed, watching him. Dougie pulls at his cock one last time, and lets his hand fall to his side.

Harry crawls over to his waist and takes his hand. He slowly licks the come off Dougie's palm, light swipes that make Dougie's breath stutter in his throat. Harry sucks at each finger in turn, keeping eye contact the whole time. Dougie's cock twitches.

"Harry —" he whispers, as Harry leans down to start licking the come off Dougie's stomach. Dougie should close his eyes, he should detach from this, his heart is being tugged and tugged like it's caught on a nail, but he doesn't want it to stop. He watches Harry lick every bit of come off, but then Harry starts kissing his stomach, a random trail, and it's too much. "Stop," Dougie says, and Harry does.

When Harry sees Dougie's face, he looks sort of devastated. "Shit, I'm so sorry." He moves up fast to line his chest up with Dougie's side, and pulls him into a cuddle. Stateira is curled up on the pillow above Dougie's head, looking sadly at Alida. "I didn't realise," Harry whispers as Dougie turns onto his side. He needs to be held right now, and Harry does. He always knows just how to hold him.

Dougie closes his eyes. "It's okay, I'll be fine." The rawness is calming down. "You haven't done anything wrong."

Harry hugs him closer and says, "I won't try anything else, I promise. I just, all I wanted to do was —"

"I know," Dougie interrupts him. "It's okay."

Harry whispers, the sound filled with its meaning, "I love you." Dougie relaxes completely.

"I love you too," he says.

Harry doesn't touch him less in the next few days, but it is never once sexual. They lean on each other in the studio, mess about with instruments and dance to make each other laugh, and hang out with Tom and Danny and Dallas and Rick. Fletch visits. He listens to the new songs, Augusta bobbing her head happily to the beat.

By the second day after that night, a slow contentment overwhelms everything else. He finds himself almost kissing Harry more and more. The edges of his heart stop being tugged so gradually that he wouldn't notice if it weren't for Stateira pointing it out.

He wakes up in the middle of the night almost a week after Harry licked him, from an incredibly vivid dream of Harry fucking him. He's coming as he wakes, and does his best to be silent. He's lying on his back, Harry fast asleep next to him on his front, face turned towards Dougie.

Dougie cleans up and turns over to watch Harry sleep for a few minutes. _We're ready, aren't we?_ he thinks at Stateira.

 _Yes_ , she answers. _We're ready._

Dougie wakes up the next morning on his other side, Harry cuddled against his back, one hand splayed over Dougie's heart. It's not relaxed enough for him to be asleep, and the thought that Harry is lying awake just cuddling him removes any doubt that he might not be ready. The hurt over Frankie is still there, but it's not so raw now, and it's swamped by a rush of love. He can deal with a relationship again.

Before he lets Harry know he's woken up, he makes a plan for the day. He doesn't say a word to Harry about it; when they get to the studio, he pulls Tom and Danny aside. "Don't tell Harry, but can you get us the night off?"

"Yeah, no problem," Danny says. Tom's grinning so hard it looks almost painful.

"Tonight's the night, then?" he says. Orinthia is bounding around his feet.

"You look almost as happy about it as I am," Dougie snorts.

"About what?" Harry says, walking up. "What are you three conspiring about over here?"

"Conspiring?" Danny hoots. "We're not conspiring."

"We're talking about recording Kate today," Dougie lies smoothly. Stateira flicks her tail at Alida, who inclines her ears.

"We'd better get going, then," Harry says, so they do.

As it gets to early evening, Dougie starts watching the clock. At five to seven, he slips out while Harry is tracking drums, with a "Tell him I'm out getting us all food." to Tom. When he gets back to the house, he heads immediately for the kitchen.

When one of the studio engineers had run out for lunch earlier, Dougie had asked him to get prosciutto and pecorino, since they have everything else. He'd come back saying he'd only been able to find plain ham, but Dougie can work with that, and he plans on improvising the cheese. Stateira gets to work slicing the ham while Dougie boils the tagliatelle and heats up some olive oil.

Twenty minutes later, tagliatelle alla carbonara finished, he covers the pan, changes his shirt to the nicest one he brought, and heads back to the studio.

"Danny's been trying to ring you," Harry says when he gets back. "We're ordering pizza."

Dougie's phone hasn't rung once. He grins at Danny. "Mustn't've heard it." He says to Harry, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah, of course," Harry nods, and leads him out into the corridor.

"I've got us the night off," Dougie says, when he's sure they're alone.

"Really?" Harry's so genuinely surprised, Dougie wonders when Tom and Danny got that convincing.

"Yeah. How would you like," Dougie smiles at him, "to have dinner with me?"

"You mean — you mean a date?" The hope on Harry's face is so cautious Dougie's heart squeezes. Alida sits up on her hind legs, staring at Stateira.

"I mean a date," Dougie says.

"You mean — does that mean —"

"Yes. I'm ready. I want to be with you."

Harry kisses him so fast it takes Dougie a second to react. The next moment, his hands are in Harry's hair, Harry wrapping one arm around his back, his other hand curled around Dougie's jaw line. Stateira jumps off his shoulder, landing joyously on Alida. Dougie's back crashes into the wall as they move together, the kiss frantic but somehow overwhelmingly happy. It feels right, it feels _perfect_.

"Come on," Dougie says when they break for air. "Dinner's getting cold."

"You _cooked_?" Harry looks both touched and delighted, and Dougie has to stop himself kissing him again. If they start, it'll be a long time until they stop, and he's hungry.

On the way back to the house, Harry reaches for his hand and Dougie immediately settles their palms together. The food is still nicely warm, and when they sit down to eat it, Harry rubs his ankle against Dougie's. Stateira and Alida haven't stopped touching since they kissed, and they're curled up together under the table, whispering about the food and the album.

Three mouthfuls into the meal, Harry stops making pleased sounds to say, "This is so good. You're an amazing boyfriend."

"I've only been your boyfriend for five minutes," Dougie points out, feeling like he might physically swell with happiness.

"And you've already cooked me dinner." Harry points his fork at him. "Like I said, you're amazing."

Dougie rubs his ankle against Harry's in answer.

"Am I still the love of your life?" Harry asks, looking down at his plate.

"That's a stupid question," Dougie says. "Yes."

Harry looks up. "Good, because you are definitely the love of mine." Stateira nuzzles Alida's ears, and Dougie reaches over the table to kiss Harry lightly. Harry smiles as he sits back.

They spend the rest of the meal talking about nothing in particular. When they're finished, Dougie takes the plates into the kitchen to rinse, and Harry follows. He wraps his arms around Dougie while he's at the sink, and kisses his cheek. Dougie could get used to this.

"How about," Harry murmurs into his ear, "we skip pudding and go to bed?"

Dougie shivers against him. "Yes please."

Harry leads him to the bedroom by the hand, and only kisses him when they're there. It's not the urgent kissing Dougie thought it would be; Harry kisses him slowly, running his tongue along Dougie's lip before sliding it into his mouth. He takes Dougie's clothes off slowly, too, and stills Dougie's hands on his until they match his pace. Alida and Stateira settle on Dougie's pillow as Harry sits just below his and pulls Dougie onto his lap.

"Harry," Dougie squirms when Harry stops kissing him to grab the bottle of lube from beside the bed.

"Shhh." Harry slicks up his fingers and slips one into Dougie. Dougie arches.

"Harry, please —"

Harry leans their foreheads together, adding another finger. "Shh, I'm being romantic."

Dougie is desperate for Harry to just slam into him. "You're being annoying," he says, voice strained.

Harry smiles, a third finger sliding in. It feels good, but it's not _enough_. "I'm being romantic," he repeats, brushing their noses together and tilting to one side.

"Annoying," Dougie whispers, opening his mouth in anticipation of the kiss.

"Romantic," Harry murmurs before finally kissing him. It's still slow, delicious, far too fucking slow. Dougie squirms on his fingers.

"Annoying," he breathes into Harry's mouth.

"Romantic." Harry curls his fingers just right, but it's still not enough, he needs _friction_.

"Annoying," he sighs out of the corners of his lips.

"Romantic." Harry removes his fingers, and Dougie is about to reply when he feels Harry's cock slide in. Slowly, so _slowly_.

"Nnnghhh," he says instead.

Harry keeps kissing him while he fucks him slowly and deeply, one hand around Dougie's cock not going nearly fast enough. Dougie's legs shake from holding him where he can kiss Harry, but he doesn't care. He doesn't stop wishing Harry would fuck him hard, but this, this is incredible. He loses track of time, lost in the sensations. Alida rakes her claws down Stateira's side, making Dougie shiver every time. Harry's tongue presses gently against his.

Dougie's orgasm builds slowly. Harry's pace never quickens, not even when the sounds Dougie is making crescendo and he breaks the kiss to arch his neck as he comes. It's the most intense orgasm of his life, and it doesn't stop for almost a minute. Harry fucks him slowly through every aftershock, until he is a whimpering mess and Harry takes his hand from his cock. Harry looks like he's close, so Dougie weakly kisses his neck, relaxing around him. Harry moans, quickens slightly, then snaps his hips forward and comes hard. Dougie licks his neck all through it.

They collapse onto the covers and when he can speak again, Dougie says, "Wow."

"Worth the fucking wait," Harry agrees.

"Next time I want it rough, though," Dougie says, and Harry rolls on top of him with a groan.

"Give me some time and I'll do that," he says, and Dougie kisses him.

They spend their next day off lying in bed, kissing and touching, having sex whenever they're both hard. They emerge only to hydrate and eat.

"I'm impressed," Tom says over lunch. "I'd have been worn out by now."

"All this working out has paid off," Harry grins. "I have the stamina of an athlete now."

Dougie snorts. "You just slept for an hour," he points out.

"Dougie," Harry mock admonishes him, "you're ruining my reputation!"

It's ridiculously hot in the studio, and not all of it is air conditioned. They answer some fans' questions in one of the hottest parts one afternoon, Stateira stretched out lethargically over Alida's back on the arm of the sofa. The recording booths and mixing room aren't too bad, and the album's coming along really well.

*

Frankie rings him not long after they get back from Atlanta. "I've had some time to think," she says. "Can I talk to you?"

They have lunch, and talk over everything. "I miss you," she says, when they've covered most of their relationship. "I hate this. Can we at least be friends?"

It hurts to see her and not kiss her, but Dougie nods.

"How are things with Harry?" Frankie asks, cautious. Ichabod crawls into her pocket.

"We got together in America," Dougie says. Frankie sort of winces. "Listen, I miss you, I want you back so badly, but I'm with Harry now. Just — I want you in my life, if all we can be is friends then I'll take it. But I can't help what I want, and I want you both."

Frankie nods, not looking at him, and lunch ends on a wrenching note. But she rings him again a week later and they start texting every now and then.

Tom and Gi have a barbeque at their house a while later, and Dougie asks Frankie if she wants to come. Izzy phones Harry not long before it, to see if they can be friends, so Harry invites her too. It's sort of awkward, but Dougie has a great time with Frankie, and neither she nor Izzy so much as winces when Harry and Dougie are cuddling, so Dougie starts to hope that maybe they'll all be okay.

"How's it going?" Danny asks him at one point, when they're both grabbing drinks.

"Weird, but okay," Dougie answers. Danny squeezes his shoulder and takes some drinks over to Gi and Georgia.

Harry and Izzy go away for a holiday they'd had booked since last year, and Dougie gets so many texts his inbox fills up while he sleeps. He misses Harry, but he's happy that he and Izzy are working things out. They come back friends again, and the next time he sees Izzy, she hugs him and says, "I'm glad you're with him."

"Really?" Dougie smiles at her. She returns it.

"You look so happy lately," she says. "So does he. He loves you more than I'd realised, you know." She looks sad as she says it, but then smiles again. "I'm glad he's happy."

Frankie rings him about a month later and says, "Can we have dinner tonight? Are you free?"

He has plans with Harry, Gi and Tom, so he says, "Um, can we do it on Thursday instead?"

It takes another couple of suggestions before they find a night they're both free, and they agree to meet at the restaurant they had their first date in. Frankie sounds nervous, and Dougie tries not to hope too much. He tells Harry about it as soon as he shows up, and Harry looks genuinely happy. "That's great," he says, Alida bounding up to Stateira to rub noses.

"Yeah," Dougie beams at him, and they go over to Tom's.

When the night of the dinner with Frankie arrives, she texts him, _I cant wait 2 see u_. Dougie looks at Stateira, who jumps a foot in the air with excitement. "Does that mean what I hope it means?" he asks her.

"I don't know," she answers, "but I hope so too."

They get to the restaurant ten minutes before Frankie and Ichabod, and Dougie watches her approach with growing hope. She looks amazing, and when she sits at their table Ichabod runs down her arm to sit next to Stateira, twitching his whiskers. "Hi," Dougie says.

"Hi," Frankie replies, smiling nervously.

They're half way through their starters when Dougie says, "You okay?"

Frankie is fiddling with her spoon. "Yeah, I'm —" She takes a deep breath. "I've been doing some thinking," she says, "and I want you back more than I can't deal with you being with him too."

It takes a minute to parse the sentence. "You mean — you want to get back together?" He feels his face light up, hope swelling in his chest.

"Yes. I want to be the only one you're with, but I can't be. I'd rather still have you than not, though."

He takes her hand. "I love you," he says, feeling like he could float.

He texts Harry as they're leaving the restaurant to tell him, and gets a text back, _Brill_. He sees Harry the next morning, and his smile is completely genuine.

"You're okay with me and her getting back together?" He has to check.

"I've got you," Harry pulls him close for a hug. "I know you love her too, I want you to be happy."

Dougie kisses him. "I love you so much," he breathes.

"Love you too," Harry smiles.

*

It's not easy, but Dougie didn't expect it to be. He spends a lot of time with Frankie, making sure she feels as loved as she is, and he sees Harry all the time when they're doing band stuff, but Harry starts getting annoyed with how little time they have just for the two of them. Things improve when they start arranging regular times for dates. He feels stretched thin sometimes, trying to spend enough time with both of them, and they keep getting the balance wrong. He'll spend so much time with Frankie that Harry gets upset, or vice versa, and they'll rework their schedules. It doesn't exactly help that he's asked about her in half their interviews, and every time he and Harry flirt in public and it's noticed, it's laughed off by either them or the interviewer, depending on the atmosphere.

"I want to be open about us," Harry says after one particularly uncomfortable interview, half of which had been about Frankie, the other half about their new look. "We're not going to lie on the Super City, right?"

"Right, but that's the fans. They can know." Dougie fiddles with his sleeves, Stateira playing with the ends of his hair.

"It's okay if you don't want to come out." Harry puts an arm around him, Alida twitching her nose at Stateira. "I just want it out there that I do."

"I'll think about it," Dougie says.

He talks to Danny, who says it could be rocky for the band but they'd deal with it. He talks to Tom, who's all for the idea, "and sod the haters." He talks to Frankie, who goes quiet but looks thoughtful, not hurt.

"I don't know," she says. "They could say some horrible things about us all."

"Yeah, I know," he sighs. "I don't want that. Especially not for you."

She takes his hand and squeezes it. "If it's what you want, I'll cope with it. Just be sure first, okay?"

He thinks about it a lot more. He talks to a few more of his mates, and his mum, and his sister, and Harry, until Tom texts him with _Just come out already_.

He wants to, is the thing. He doesn't want the world knowing his business, and he already has to deal with too much attention because he's with Frankie, but he doesn't want to read another of their interviews that says he's joking when he wasn't. He doesn't want to lie about who he loves. So he talks to Harry again, and they decide to come out just before the Super City launch.

They're booked onto a music channel show on an afternoon in late September. The presenters are people they've been interviewed by before, so they know they're friendly and unlikely to punch them for being gay. Stateira keeps hold of Dougie's wrist throughout the entire interview leading up to the who-are-you-dating question, and he holds Harry's hand under his elbow. Alida is flattening her ears and petting Harry's arm. The question comes, and Harry says, "I'm with Dougie."

The presenter who asked laughs, and asks Tom if he's still with Giovanna. Dougie glances at Harry for guidance, but he's just taken aback. They've spent so long over this decision that they forgot to think they might not be taken seriously.

The presenter turns to Dougie after Danny's confirmed he's with Georgia, and says, "And you're with Frankie from The Saturdays."

"Yeah," Dougie nods, "and Harry." Harry moves his elbow so their hands can be seen, fingers interlocked.

The presenters both laugh this time, and ask about their new sound. Dougie looks at Harry again. He looks like he's just been kicked. Alida is curling over his arm, and Dougie squeezes his fingers. He wants to punch both of the presenters in the face, lovely people though they are, for making Harry feel this bad.

As soon as the interview is over, Harry and Dougie find somewhere they can talk. Their dressing room is cramped, so they hide in a corner of the corridors and Dougie hugs him hard. "What do we do now?" he asks.

"I'm not going to do an interview just about us," Harry says. "I mean, I would, I'd get on a plinth in Trafalgar Square with a megaphone and shout it, but I want to keep some things private."

"So do I," Dougie says. "So — just be ourselves to the fans, but lie in interviews?"

Harry winces. "It's that or be asked about everything." He sighs. "I just want to say you're my boyfriend without getting laughed at, or yelled at, or being asked for details."

"I know." Dougie kisses him. "Me too."

Harry and Izzy get back together about a month later. They've been getting closer for a while, and Dougie can see how much happier Harry is when he's with both of them. Everything's almost perfect for a while. Harry suggests a double date, so they try it — they see The Social Network, and Harry and Frankie spend most of the way home talking about how Eduardo was right. Izzy and Dougie beam at each other, and they make double date night a weekly thing. Frankie seems a little more happy for Dougie to spend time with Harry after that.

Dougie has never been so happy in his life. His sex life has never been so organised, either, but he doesn't care. He's in love with his boyfriend and his girlfriend, he and Frankie are looking at buying a house together, and everything is brilliant.

*

Less than two weeks after Frankie leaves him with no warning, and not much of an explanation, Christmas Eve rolls around. Dougie has spent the past twelve days on Tom and Gi's sofa, lethargically watching Christmas films with Stateira and tearing up at the stupidest things. He's pulled himself together for work, which is mostly where he's seen Harry, but every time Harry tries to hug him he's either pulled away or not hugged back. At Harry's birthday party the night before, Dougie heard Tom telling Harry, "It's nothing personal, he just can't deal with it yet. He won't even let us hug him, the closest anyone gets is Aurora sitting on him."

He'd tried to corner Harry for some cuddles that night, actually, but he'd been surrounded by his mates who were all insisting he drink far too copiously for human functioning. Dougie had ended up sat with Izzy, talking about how Escala is doing, Stateira stretched out on his lap watching Gaius walk over Izzy's feet.

They're having a Christmas dinner just for the four of them, while Gi and Georgia and Izzy are round at Danny and Georgia's. Harry's the last to arrive, of course, since Dougie just had to get showered and changed, and Danny wandered over at about eleven. Tom answers the door, but Dougie's just behind him, because it's been long enough now that the shock and the worst of the hurt is fading, slowly replaced by a strong need for comfort.

The second Harry sees him, he's pushing past Tom and hugging Dougie, Alida picking Stateira up to hug her too. It's exactly the hug they've been needing since yesterday, warm and safe and smelling of Harry and Alida. Dougie holds on tightly, feeling the floodgates threatening to open. A sob escapes him before he can stop it.

Harry readjusts his hold and kisses his hair. "It's okay, Doug, I've got you," he whispers.

"Come on," Tom says from behind him, "why don’t you sit down."

Dougie feels like he really needs to cry for a bit, so he nods and the hug breaks only for as long as it takes to get to the living room. Harry sits in an armchair, pulls Dougie onto his lap, and hugs him again. Dougie can hear Tom and Danny talking in the kitchen, the soft sound of Evanna laughing, and the quiet wordless murmurings of Alida, who is nuzzling Stateira on top of the chair's back. He feels loved, and cries quietly until Harry's jumper is soggy.

"Dinner's nearly ready," Tom calls, just as Dougie is starting to feel like he's cried out everything that was left. He slips off Harry's lap to go and splash water on his face, and in the mirror he sees the imprint of the creases of Harry's clothes.

"You feeling better, Doug?" Danny asks when he gets back to the living room. He and Harry have got the big dining table out, and Tom's setting it. Dougie goes over to help.

"Yeah," he smiles at Harry, "thanks."

"What I'm here for," Harry smiles back.

Tom puts a Santa hat on Orinthia when she leaps onto his lap for the meal, looking for all the world like winter was turned into a cat. They pull crackers before they start, and Danny's paper crown goes immediately onto Evanna's head. Alida and Stateira refuse point blank to wear any hats whatsoever — "They'd be too big for us anyway," Stateira points out reasonably — so Dougie and Harry wear theirs.

The dinner is gorgeous, and they all eat too much of it. Tom eats the most, so he's the first to collapse in a food coma. Danny follows suit, and Dougie and Harry curl up back in the armchair to do absolutely nothing.

There's Christmas music on, but no other sound for a while. Dougie feels better after about an hour, but Tom's got his eyes shut and Danny's outright snoring. Dougie shifts on Harry's lap to get more comfortable, and Harry gently pulls him closer.

"Hey," he whispers, "you okay now?"

"Yeah, not so full." There's a pause as Dougie realises what he was asking about. "Oh! Yeah, that too. Crying helped."

"Good." Harry softly tilts Dougie's chin up until he can kiss him. It's a slow kiss, a show of support without words. Dougie leans into it.

Harry brushes their noses together when the kiss ends. "Tell me what you need," he says, quiet.

Dougie shifts to try and convey what he means. "Comfort," he answers.

Harry puts both arms under Dougie's legs and staggers up. Alida's nudging Stateira onto her back, and Tom opens his eyes to say, "Where are you two going?"

"Put me down," Dougie protests, though he isn't moving. It's sort of nice to be carried.

"Shush, you," Harry smiles at him. He says to Tom, "Best not go into Dougie's room for a bit, yeah?"

"I don't know how you can move that much," Tom groans, sinking back into the cushions.

Dougie rests his head on Harry's shoulder as he carries him out of the room. He's stooping by the time they reach the stairs, though, and drops him gently. "Sorry, I can't do it," Harry says, stretching out his back.

Dougie holds out his hand and leads Harry upstairs to the room he's staying in. Alida's still carrying Stateira on her back, and it feels really nice. Just this background warm feeling. Harry closes the bedroom door after them and turns Dougie to the wall, backing him into it. He waits until he's holding Dougie's hips against it and Dougie's got his mouth open, head tilted, tingles spreading over his body in anticipation, before he kisses him. It's a kiss caught somewhere between urgent and soft; there's a lot of love in it, a gentleness, but there's also intent. Dougie starts getting hard as Harry presses their crotches together, holding him in place with his thighs so he can put his hands in Dougie's hair. Dougie moans into the kiss, rocking his hips slightly. Harry grinds against him in answer, and then he grabs him around the waist and, not breaking the kiss, leads him over to the bed. Dougie's knees hit it and he pulls Harry down with him. Harry readjusts them and starts taking Dougie's clothes off. By now the kiss is urgent and deep, Stateira's claws balled in Alida's fur, Alida nuzzling frantically. Harry gets Dougie naked as quickly as possible, then rolls off him to dig around in the bags on the floor.

"What are you looking for?" Dougie sits up on his elbows.

"These," Harry answers, dropping a pair of handcuffs onto the bed. "That okay?"

"Yeah," Dougie breathes, blood rushing to his cock. By the time Harry's cuffed Dougie's wrists together, he's fully hard.

"You okay?" Harry asks, once the handcuffs are secure. Dougie clacks them together. He nods. "Good." Harry kisses him, then sits back and keeps eye contact while he takes his own clothes off. Dougie licks his lips when Harry's shirt comes off, and then he gets up to take his jeans and boxers off. Dougie is salivating and biting his lip by the time Harry is completely naked, already shivering from Alida rubbing up against Stateira. Harry straddles him, leans down so their bodies are flush, and presses against him. Dougie arches up, breath hitching. Harry kisses him hard, quick, and then starts kissing a line down from his neck, over his chest, over his stomach, up each thigh in turn, until Dougie is struggling against the handcuffs, desperate for Harry's mouth.

Harry looks up at him, mouth curving in a smirk. "What do you say, Dougie?"

"Please," Dougie finally lets out the word that's been building. "Please, sir, _please_."

"Mmm," Harry's kissing Dougie's cock, _fuck_ , "good. Have you been a good boy?"

"Yes," Dougie whispers, writhing. Harry's breath over his cock is almost unbearable. "Yes, sir, I promise. I've been good."

Harry takes Dougie's hips and holds them down. Alida flips Stateira over and pins her there. It's the thing that makes Dougie feel the safest in the world, someone he trusts holding him down. He squirms desperately, the edges of his heart healing up as Harry kisses a line up his cock and then closes his mouth over the head.

Harry blows him, holding his hips down, while Alida keeps Stateira pinned, rubbing their bellies together slowly. It's a deep, resonant pleasure combined with the wet heat of Harry's mouth. Dougie arches as much as he can, and struggling against the handcuffs makes him feel even safer and even more turned on. He's Harry's, completely at his mercy, and Harry will never, ever hurt him. He sucks Dougie's cock, licks at the head, presses with the fingers of one hand (holding the hip on that side down with the non-pointy bit of his elbow), and Dougie hurtles towards his orgasm faster than he would if he didn't need this so much. "Harry —" he gasps in warning, and Harry pulls off enough. Dougie comes, Harry's hand wrapped around his shaft.

Harry sits up and swallows, bit by bit, while Dougie gets his breath back. "That was so sexy," Harry says. He crawls up Dougie's body until he's sitting on his chest, and adds, "How're your arms?"

"Numb," Dougie answers. Harry uncuffs him carefully, and rubs his arms until the circulation's back. "Thanks," Dougie says, leaning forward to kiss his thigh.

Harry's neck arches back as he groans. "Doug," he whispers, "Doug, blow me, but don't use your hands. And stop when I say."

The angle's sort of awkward, but Dougie sits up on his elbows and takes Harry's cock as far into his mouth as he can. He braces his hands against Harry's thighs and sucks just the way he likes it, with lots of tongue. Harry writhes a fair bit, but mostly stays in Dougie's mouth, head back, making the most gorgeous noises. Dougie hums around him and strokes his fingers up Harry's thighs, and Harry says, "Stop, stop. Lie down. Keep still."

Dougie stops, and lies back. Harry wraps his hand around his cock and jerks it vigorously, biting his lip, and then he comes. It hits Dougie's face in splatters, and he opens his mouth, licking at the corners of it, arching. He loves this. He's never told Harry how much, how good it makes him feel, but maybe he's noticed. Harry comes and comes on him, and then leans down and starts licking it off Dougie's cheeks.

Dougie moans. Harry's tongue licks swipes over his skin, collecting the come, guiding it to Dougie's mouth. When it gets there, Harry kisses him, tongue transferring it, and Dougie slots his hand into Harry's hair, wrist nestled against the nape of his neck. He swallows Harry's come, bit by bit, as Harry licks it into his mouth, and then Harry lies next to him and pulls him onto his chest.

Dougie settles, Harry's arms around him, curled into his side, listening to his heartbeat. Alida and Stateira are in a heap at the foot of the bed, satisfied and exhausted. Dougie breathes in the smell of sweat and sex and Harry's deodorant, and feels like maybe he could be okay.

They nap for a couple of hours, and then disentangle to get dressed and go back downstairs. Danny and Tom are awake, and the four of them exchange Christmas presents, "But no opening them until tomorrow," Tom insists. Evanna is sniffing Danny's present from him suspiciously.

Danny hugs Dougie just as he and Harry are leaving. "Have a good Christmas, Butty," he says. There's a silent _You look better_ at the end.

Dougie beams. "Thanks. Merry Christmas, Dan."

Harry's driving Dougie to his mum's house, then going on to his own, tonight. They put some good music on in the car and talk about family and work and dinosaurs and whether vampires could actually be real. Stateira spends all of the drive curled up in Dougie's lap, just listening. Alida balances on Harry‘s lap, steadying herself with her paws against the steering wheel.

They get to Hertfordshire late, and Sam insists that Harry stay for a cup of tea before going on to Essex. Flea hears Dougie's voice and bounds into the kitchen, nearly knocking him over in his exuberance. "Hey, hey boy," Dougie crouches, ruffling Flea's fur. "How's he been?" he asks his mum.

Sam takes the kettle from Iairos, her [red panda](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_panda) daemon, and smiles at Dougie. "He's been fine. Chasing the ducks, of course."

Harry leaves after his cup of tea, kissing Dougie softly goodbye. Sam hugs Dougie when Harry's gone, and says, "I'm glad you have him."

"Me too, Mum," Dougie says into her shoulder.

Christmas is nice. His mum and stepdad and Jazz show him the new animals, and Sam tells him about candling duck eggs. They're planning on breeding the ducks they've just got when winter's waning. Flea barely leaves his side, and Stateira watches them play fetch and tug-of-war in the garden from the safety of a flower pot.

He opens the presents from the guys along with the presents from his family, and they're all brilliant. Best are the ones from Harry, though; the Life boxed set on Blu-Ray _and_ the book, and one labelled _To Dougie and Stateira, with love from Harry and Alida_. Inside are two identical pirate costumes, one to fit each of them.

Harry comes to pick him up when early evening rolls around, and he hugs him long and hard with a, "Thanks for the presents, you're the best." Stateira is wearing her pirate costume. She waves the cutlass at Alida in greeting.

"There's one I haven't given you yet," Harry says. From the tone of his voice, it isn't one Dougie could open in public. He shivers, and Harry strokes his fingertips down his arm.

They swap family Christmas stories and news on the way back to Harry's. Stateira takes her costume off and spends the whole car ride stretched out on Dougie's lap, fiddling with the hat. Dougie plays with her tail, and in a lull in the conversation, Harry glances over and says, "You all right?"

"Yeah, just." He blows the air out of his cheeks. "The anxiety's sort of been getting worse for a while, that's all."

Harry takes one hand off the steering wheel to grab Dougie's nearest hand and squeeze it. "Since the break-up, or before then?"

"Before," Dougie says. "It sort of got engulfed, but it's coming back." Stateira wraps her tail around his wrist without turning around to look.

"I wondered," Harry says, sounding worried. "I mean, you had your moments before, but I thought I'd ask. Is there anything I can do?"

"Comfort sex?" Dougie suggests.

"I can do that," Harry smiles at him. Dougie has a second, when their eyes meet, of feeling completely safe and that everything will be okay.

When they get to Harry's, Alida offers her back for Stateira to climb onto, and carries her inside. Harry takes Dougie's hand, keeping hold while they have a cup of tea with Ben. They say goodnight, and in Harry's room, Dougie picks up the wrapped present on the bed.

"Is this for me?" he asks, and Harry nods, kissing his cheek. Dougie tears the wrapping paper off.

It's a French maid's outfit.

"Put it on," Harry says into his ear, in the commanding tone of voice that gets Dougie hard faster than anything.

"Yes, sir," Dougie breathes. Stateira wraps her arms around Alida's neck and buries her face in Alida's soft fur.

Harry handcuffs Dougie to the headboard and fucks him on all fours, lifting the skirt of the costume. The handcuffs chafe against his wrists in exactly the way that keeps him calm, and every few thrusts Harry smacks his thigh or his ass. Stateira shakes as Alida runs her claws down her sides and back, and the deep, gorgeous sensations thrum through Dougie in time with Harry's cock in him, Harry's hand on his cock, the spanks that will leave a mark that won't fade until tomorrow. Dougie stops thinking, unable to do anything but shake apart in the combination of sensations, comfort and intense pleasure and delicious pain and the overwhelming feeling of being loved, wholly and completely.

He falls asleep spooned against Harry two hours later, their fingers tangled together, Stateira and Alida curled up above their heads. He feels safe, warm, satisfied, with developing bruises and marks and the dull ache that comes with being fucked hard. For a few hours, it's enough to keep him calm and content.

*

Dougie's always liked Brazil, and looks forward to going there. The fans are more grabby than the European ones, which he doesn't like, but they're so _enthusiastic_ and there's so _many_ of them, it's amazing. The tour so far has been great; the shows are awesome, he's feeling fine, he and Harry have decided to just be obviously together on the Super City stuff but not _say_ it, and overall, he's flying pretty high.

They get to a new city and actually have some time in the evening. Security okay it, so they make their way down to the front of the hotel to sign stuff and say hello. The fans get loud, _really_ loud, and Evanna bounds around Danny's legs in exuberance. Orinthia bounds around Tom's ankles a little, Alida sits up on her hind legs and waves at those of the fans' daemons that are on the ground, and Stateira is settled snugly in Dougie's jacket pocket. She waves at the fans, grinning, while Dougie says hi and tries to catch their names and signs whatever is shoved in front of him.

They've been signing for a few minutes when Dougie very suddenly has a full-body sensation of horror and revulsion. It's so intense it takes him a minute to realise what caused it.

A fan's daemon is sitting on his shoulder. It's a bird of some kind; his talons are digging in, and Dougie can feel the brush of a feathery wing on his face. His knees buckle. He feels like he's going to throw up. Nothing he's ever experienced has felt anything like this; like someone has ripped right into him and touched places that should only be private. Nobody has ever touched Stateira, nobody ever touches another person's daemon, and this, this is why.

Stateira launches herself at the bird daemon. Through what she‘s feeling and thinking, Dougie can tell that it's a buzzard. Stateira bites, kicks and scratches the buzzard daemon until he finally releases his hold and flies back to his human, a fan somewhere in the crush. The second he's gone, Dougie's knees give out and he hits the ground.

He hears his name being shouted, and footsteps, and the fans are still screaming. Some of them are shouting in Portuguese, voices angry. Then Alida's voice, near his ear, saying, "It's okay, Doug, Stateira, we've got you." Strong arms slide under him and lift, and he curls into Harry's chest, unable to stop shaking.

Harry and Alida carry them all the way up to Tom and Danny's room, and Harry puts him down on one of the beds. Stateira stretches out, spread-eagled on Dougie's chest over his heart, clinging with all of her might. He clutches her, holding her as close as he can without squashing her, and they shake in unison. Harry sits on the bed, then shifts Dougie's head so it's in his lap, and starts stroking his hair.

Dougie opens his eyes. Alida is curled up in Harry's other arm, held close to Harry's chest. She's trembling, a horrified look on her face. Danny is sitting on the other bed, Evanna in his lap, his arms tightly around her. Tom's pacing, Orinthia cuddled close to his heart.

"How could anyone — you don't just — _why would someone touch someone else with their daemon_?" Tom bursts out. "What the fuck is _wrong_ with that girl — who the fuck _does_ something fucked up like that —"

"It was so she could say she'd touched her favourite McFly boy with her soul," a voice pipes up. Dougie, startled, stares at Evanna. He hasn't heard her voice in a while, just her laughter. She's shaking, but continues, "People have talked about it before, I never thought anyone would actually do it."

"Did you hear the other fans?" Danny says. "They sounded really angry. I saw some of them turn to where the daemon landed. I wouldn't want to be that girl right now."

"Good," Tom says. "I hope at least one of them punched her." He's exuding fury, still pacing, Orinthia softly growling and hissing in his arms.

"You okay?" Harry whispers. Dougie looks up at him and shakes his head. Harry keeps stroking his hair.

 _Remember, Doug_ , Stateira thinks at him. _Those things we learned in rehab, come on._

Dougie nods, and they start doing the calming techniques they learned. Gradually, after about ten minutes, the shaking subsides.

Dougie takes one last deep breath and opens his eyes. Harry smiles at him. "That better?"

"Yeah." He clears his throat, voice cracked. "I'm — I'm okay now."

The next time he checks twitter, there's a lot of Portuguese in his @ replies. He runs some of the tweets through Google Translate, and all of them say basically the same thing: that touching someone else with your daemon is a violation, and never, _ever_ okay.

"The fans have our back," Stateira says, curling into his side.

"Yeah," Dougie nods, and he feels safe again.

The support over twitter keeps on pouring in for the next few days; it hits English language fans by the time Dougie wakes up the next morning, so he doesn't have to translate nearly as many tweets that day. The fans are, as one, outraged — and then the fan who actually did it tweets at him to apologise. At least, that's what the translation says, but he wants to check, so he asks one of the crew at the venue they play at next.

"It says she is sorry," the man says, his parrot daemon reading over his shoulder. "She didn't mean to hurt you and she won't do it again."

"Obrigado," Dougie says, and he replies to the tweet in English. _good_

The tour moves on and then they're back in England, playing festivals and one-off shows all summer. Tom and Gi set a date for the wedding, and Dougie starts looking at flats. He can't live with them forever.

"What do you think," Harry says one day, while they're looking through the details the estate agent sent him, "about maybe getting a place together?"

Dougie looks up. "But you tried that with Izzy and it didn't work," he says. "I thought you didn't want to live with anyone yet."

"Well, we got back together," Harry points out. "And I'm — well, maybe I wouldn't move in yet, but — maybe we could buy somewhere?"

Stateira drapes her tail over Alida's back. "Are you sure?" she asks.

"Mostly," Alida answers. She leans against Stateira. "We want —"

"Shh," Harry says, splaying his hand over her head.

"What?" Dougie pokes him in the arm. "Come on, Harry, tell me."

"What we want," Alida says, and Harry puts his hand over her mouth. "What we really want," she continues, muffled, “is to one day live in a house with you and Izzy and have dogs and kids. But not for a while yet."

Harry slumps. He takes his hand away from Alida, who hops into his lap and nuzzles his arm. Stateira hops back onto Dougie's lap, so he can shift closer to Harry and kiss him.

"That sounds like a great idea," Dougie says, leaning their foreheads together. "Some day, I'd like that."

"How about, I help you choose a flat, and it'll be sort of mine too? Like, I'd keep some stuff there, and I can stay there whenever, how's that?"

"Sounds good to me," Dougie smiles, and kisses him again.

*

They're always more honest on stage, in between the jokes. At the last festival performance of the summer, when Dougie is introducing the band, he finishes with, "And this is my boyfriend, Harry." The crowd cheers louder.

"Awww," Harry says into his microphone. "I love you, Doug."

Stateira, standing on Dougie's shoulder, blows him a kiss. Dougie turns to the crowd. "We're polyamorous," he says.

Danny laughs. "Poly laminate."

"Right," Tom interrupts them, as Dougie is making a cawing noise in answer. "This next song we're going to play you is about being wrongfully accused of cheating. Hope you like it." The crowd cheer even louder as they play the first notes of That's the Truth.

In the minivan on the way home, Harry takes Dougie's hand and links their fingers together. "That was nice, getting to be honest," he says. Stateira curls into Alida's side, snuggling, and Alida puts her arm around her.

"Yeah," Dougie agrees. "I liked it."

A song they all like comes on the radio just then, so they sing along. Evanna's voice soars above the rest, Tom laughs as he sings, and Dougie looks over at Stateira to see why she isn't singing. She's snuggled deep into Alida's side, just where her fur is the most brick-red, and for a second Dougie can't tell where one daemon ends and the other begins.


End file.
